I've Got This!

God is good. He works on behalf of those who love and seek after Him. He makes all things work together for good for those who love and seek Him. He never gives us more than we can handle. He promises to walk beside us in the valleys. He listens and works things out. He does. I know. I know because I love Him. I trust Him. There's a lot of NOT FUN stuff going on in my life right now, VALLEY stuff. But I trust Him. I love Him. I tell Him all day long, every day how much He means to me. How He has changed my life for the better. That He makes life worth living. For Him I will persevere. To Him I owe the best of everything I can give. He asks nothing of me other than my complete and sincere love and devotion to Him. That is all He wants, He does the rest. 


My kids see this lived out in me. Please don't hear this as bragging...or a lack of humility. It's how we live. We mess up A LOT. I mess something up royally at least daily if not more. But my love for my Lord Jesus is evident in the way I live. My kids see it. They know that it's something they don't have to question. When things seem off or bad to them, they pick up on it very easily. Very quickly. Thursday night after the HORRID scene at basketball practice, they overheard Jason and I talking about what happened. They had seen me crying and heard me say that I trust God even though I was upset. I said that I knew He was just trying to show me something about how to treat people. How NOT to treat people. We prayed that night as a family and Jason prayed for me to just be comforted and reassured that God would provide friends for us (he feels the same way I do). We told the kids afterward, for the 4th time this week, that when we are in need, God wants us to tell Him all about it. When we need prayer for something, He prays for us too. He wants to talk to us about our problems and our joys so we should not only tell Him what we're feeling and thinking, but listen to Him for answers and guidance. Then we went to bed and woke up Friday and went about our day as usual...


So I'm sitting today watching Ryan's basketball game. Alone for about 20 minutes while Jas ran to the store for water (forgot to bring it for my very thirsty children). Instantly, as I sat RIGHT beside some of those moms from Thursday, I started feeling defensive. I was thinking to myself, "here we go again. We're gonna play the 'I don't see you' game." But I immediately caught myself and asked the Lord to quiet my spirit and be with me. Jas would be back ANY minute and I'd not feel the need to focus on anything other than Ryan's game. So, he got back and I was fine. Then almost as soon as he sat down, I looked up to see Ryan's teacher wave at me. She came to where we were (right next to all the other moms) and asked if she could sit with me...I know, right?? So I am automatically tearing up that God sent her, and I'm thinking she DOESN'T EVEN KNOW how much this means to me when SHE says..."Ryan requested prayer for you yesterday at school. He said that you were sad at basketball because the other moms were not being your friend and that you cried a lot about it."  


My sweet son. Words cannot describe how very PROUD I am that he knew to go to God with his problems. You see, he was burdened for his mother. And I wish you could have seen his face when he saw Mrs. Reyes sitting there beside me. He was BEAMING. And he played really well, making sure she was watching his every move:) I don't know a lot of 6 year old boys who would be so in tune with others' needs. And YES, here I am bragging a little. But not on myself. On God. He has given me a very special little man to raise. I pray that I do my job well. And I must say, he has a WONDERFUL father to teach him how to be a good, Godly man. In fact, I heard him tell Ryan this afternoon, "son, that's what I was talking about, being a man...what you did for your Momma today is what a REAL man does. He takes care of his family. He protects what belongs to him. He prays for people who are hurting. You acted like a man and I'm really proud of you." How awesome is that?? I didn't even know he had been talking to him about what it means to be a man...I mean, he's 6! But I guess it's never too early. Did I mention how awesome my husband is? :) 


So, today was amazing for us. So many good things happen in the middle of badness. I fear that if I were to lose my "Attitude of Gratitude" I'd miss a lot of the good and focus WAY too much on the bad. I don't want to do that. I want to leave a legacy of grace and love and goodness. A legacy of thankfulness and loving kindness. Gentle and long suffering. I want to grow my children up to be Peacemakers...and that takes some serious Spirit-led and filled patience and persistence. But ya know what? The Battle belongs to the Lord. He is capable. When I'm weak I'm strong. He teaches me SO much about His love for me through the sweet and simple love of my children. 


Thank you, Lord Jesus. 

I love this weather! Although the beautiful colors of fall have faded to the ground and into large black bags and smoky ash, I'm still captivated by the unmatched, unrivaled, glorious beauty of Creation! 


Over the course of my nice easy run this morning, I saw deer, squirrels, big black crows and lots of worms...and then the rain began to fall ever so gently on the trees. What a privilege to be surrounded by nature! My body was numb from the cold, yet my soul was radiantly warmed by God this morning. This change in scenery is something that cannot adequately be described, but I feel like each falling leaf that catches my eye, God Himself has arranged for my pleasure. For the purpose of reminding me that He holds it all together, and He calls the shots. To help me remember WHO gets the glory. To keep my focus on Him, not on myself. Thank you, Lord for your marvelous work.


Job 38, 39, 40 and 41 are a wonderful read to help us remember who controls this universe:) Ask yourself these questions. Can you do ANY of these things or answer any of these questions? I can't! And I'm so thankful that God loves me enough to make me a part of His plan. Not only that, but He gives me life more abundantly than I'd ever know apart from Him. And the best is yet to come when we see Him face to face and fall at His feet in total worship of His majesty.


 Revelation 1:7 says-  "Look! He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him..." 


Amen! Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Someone reached out to me last week. I was sitting alone at Main Street in our church-outside the kids' school. Watching for my husband, waiting patiently for him to get out of his class for the day. Sitting and stewing actually. Feeling divided and separated. Wondering what the heck I was doing there- didn't I have brains enough to get up and just go home and do my own thing while he was in class?? Surely I could have gone home, gone back to sleep for 2 hours, had a little quiet prayer time, cleaned up the kitchen, done some laundry....anything but SIT on my rear for 2 hours just to be close to my children and wait on my husband...when out of nowhere, some nice guy starts making smalltalk with me.


You see, I sit there in Main Street at least 3 days a week, reading my Bible, drinking coffee, every Tuesday watching hundreds of women walk in to a weekly Bible study. But I'm new here, and I'm not great at making friends. I get crazy insecure when I'm all on my own. I see these beautiful women-dressed up, all chatty with one another, how am I supposed to just throw myself into their conversations.."can I be your friend? can I go to Bible study with you?" Sheesh, so I just sit there wishing I had the nerve to walk in and be welcomed, albeit slowly, but it's a Bible study, surely someone would welcome me?!


So back to the nice guy-turns out he's a seminary student who was also waiting for his wife and he says to me- "you know, there's a women's Bible study going on down the hall right now. It's every Tuesday morning at 9, my wife is there now." OK, God! I've got it. I need to be in this study...so the nice guy, Josh, gives me his email address, his cell phone number, his wife's number...turns out they've found it very difficult to plug-in around here as well. They're organizing a Bible study at their home and have invited us. His wife, Mandi-called me Monday and asked if I'd meet up with her at the women's Bible study Tuesday morning...so I did. Anyway, my point is-God was at work. He knew the mess I was dealing with internally. He was right there with me. He heard my prayers. He answered them. 


He cares about every little thing that we face. He works on our behalf. I'm thankful for these new friends. I'm thankful for this AMAZING study that I'm now a part of. I even got to share a bit about some recent struggles I've had with un-confessed sin. Oooh. I don't think ANYONE likes to talk about that. It may just be the most difficult thing to face in your Christian walk. Especially because keeping it inside "avoids" a lot of heartache. Well, wrong. You cannot fully serve God and be in relationship with Him while your mind is divided. You'll ignore His prompting again and again to resolve the issue and do nothing to further your walk with Him. Remember that He loves you and will never leave you. He is WITH you in your time of trouble. You cannot disappoint HIM. He knows all...just be obedient! Pray and pray for the right way to confess your sin. Let the person you are telling know how difficult this is and how you know it won't be easy to hear, but that you know that you are being obedient to God and your whole purpose of revealing your sin is to be in true and complete obedience to God. And remember, God is with you!!


Ok, so that's that. 

If I could open up my chest and unlock my heart, I'm sure you'd see Fall spilling out of it. The crisp air, beautiful colors, leaves tumbling, children laughing, coffee spiked with pumpkin and spice...ahhh. Fall is just so cozy and calming for me. The difficult thing for me is not napping the day away! I'll sit and snuggle my coffee cup while reading my Bible, then skip around some blogs enjoying all the fun ideas and crafts. I live vicariously through the bakers and crafters at this time of year. Some of these bloggers are just extremely gifted! I'd honestly NEVER be able to come up with some of this stuff. The CUTEST cupcakes and cookies you're ever gonna see, the loveliest tablescapes, the most beautiful homes and decor...


So much to look at, it's hard to settle down and just look through and enjoy one at a time! I make sure to follow or subscribe to all of them so I can take the time later to go back and enjoy them. Someday, I hope to have more time to devote to my own blog. I'd like to run an etsy shop (what I'd sell, I don't know) or offer an abundance of ideas (? nutrition, oh wait, I already do that on my other blog) or something useful. Honestly, it's probably never gonna happen. I'm too much of a flake (and I hate that) to keep up with an intricate blog!! So this is probably all you're ever gonna get outta me. Just ramblings...I have had the hardest time focusing lately! It's horrible. Can hardly finish a thought...oops. SEE?? I was about to get lost again. Anyway, I love fall and that was the point I was trying to make.


I think the TV is eviilll. No, I'm serious. We sit and stare at it for hours and neglect our family activities. Never turning this thing off is driving a wedge between us. I HATE IT. I've talked to my husband about it. He agrees, but doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. It has been on allllllllllll day. I was bothered by my daughter when she needed help with her homework-why? I wasn't busy, I was just interested in what was on TV. My children shouldn't have to compete with the TV!!! Especially when they need help! God, forgive me:(( Help me!! You're never to busy to hear my needs, Lord. Sadly, I wasn't only watching TV, I was surfing the internet on my laptop! God, I seriously need to adjust the way I'm spending my time. Thanks for convicting me of this at this moment. I need to fix it. I know what to do, as You've already been telling me. Time for a serious step back from technology. A step in the right direction, closer to You and my family. Seriously! Why in the world don't I seek to stop this damaging behavior?? I've got to get this right and now. This is what I'd consider to be the "bread of idleness." And I'm stuffed beyond being uncomfortable. I'm choking on it. 


See what I mean about rambling??? Anyway, I hope to report to you in a few days or maybe even a week, that we've watched a lot less TV. Maybe I'll challenge myself to step back from Facebook for a full week. Sounds so silly, but it's the only connection I've had to people for the last 2 months:( Oh well, I need to seek only God in this time. Maybe, just maybe He wants to tell me something VERY important and I haven't been listening??? Thanks, Lord for making me aware. I'm listening now! What is it?

May I Whine?

HA! It's official!


We will be moving from our hometown of Kingman, AZ-to what my children will call their hometown-Lynchburg, VA! Things are set for hubby to attend Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary this fall. Everything is a go!! 


God, you're so faithful and so amazingly, awesomely over-abundant! You've shown us your love and your sheer power to move mountains! We have prayed and prayed for your will, and you have shown us that our hearts are in line with yours! I have grown to expect your best for me. I know you plan to use me in a real and mighty way. Thank you for what you're doing in our lives, Lord Jesus. 


So, anyway-a few of the things I'm looking forward to are:


1. The Community Market
2. Apartment living
3. Meeting new people
4. Beautiful scenery
5. Discovering new interests
6. Changing seasons
7. Flames and Hillcats games
8. Not knowing anyone at all (for a while anyway)
9.
10.


And the list will just go on and on...something I'm really looking forward to is the "not knowing anyone at all" part. There's something amazing about anonymity (I presume) that I can't quite put my finger on at this juncture. I'm surely going to appreciate it though. I just know it:) I am imagining a place where I can actually go to the store without seeing anyone that I MUST politely engage in at least a little friendly chit-chat. The obligatory nod or smile...you know what I'm saying. It's not that I'm unfriendly or want to be a 'loner' or anything. I think I'm just in need of a break...ya know? Some people can afford to get out of town for a few days, or go out of the country for a little RESET on life and dealings therein.


I just need to get away for a refreshing outlook. I need to be in a place where I WANT to make small talk with people. Smile and befriend people. Care about and LOVE people. I'm not making excuses for myself, but this town we're in isn't exactly...well, I'm not gonna go there. God knows what I need and I am humbled to know He loves me so much that He's making it possible for me to have this much needed change in my current status. Ahh, it feels so good! 


And so, I wish I had more time to share some details about the place we'll be moving to, but I don't have any. Time that is. I've gotta get up and start packing..

I don't expect rose petals in my bubble bath, chocolate truffles, or even a nice sappy card. I never wish for jewelry, money, or anything of the sort. Valentine's Day is always "just another day" for my husband and I. Well, aside from the banquet we attend to support our church's youth group going to camp each year:) We pretty much have an understanding that we don't really acknowledge the holiday. And I can honestly say I'm o.k. with that! My husband jokes and says "everyday is Valentine's Day with him." But, it's not far from the truth. My man is a vocal one. Supportive, affectionate, complimentary...just all around a stand-up dream guy! God must really love me to give me Jason as my spouse.

But, this year he just blew me away! He came home from work Tuesday with a package and took the kids aside and gave them a little purple box and told them to tell me "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy! This is for you because you're the best mommy in the whole world!" So, about to cry, I opened the box and saw the most thoughtful gift I've EVER received. It's a heart-shaped locket necklace with charms inside. Charms that my honey picked out that just so greatly capture my heart! There are 3 kids inside, the 2 girls each with their birthstones, and my boy with his birthstone wearing a baseball cap. Then he chose a "J" initial to represent himself, a "walk with God" charm and an "I love coffee" charm. It is THE cutest and most precious gift. And a total surprise! MAJOR brownie points for Daddy:)) I just can't stop smiling at him and it has been 2 days since he gave it to me.

Can I just mention that this came at the PERFECT time for me? I have been ultra concerned about my man lately and our relationship! Not that we were on really rocky ground or ever have the potential of "not working things out" so to speak. We've just really gone through a difficult season of marriage lately. A few things have contributed to this: 1. He got a "promotion" at work and has had great new stress to go along with that. 2. We've just started to educate our children at home. 3. Finances are in the same wobbly boat even after that "promotion" so it makes it even more difficult to take on the extra stress and not be well-compensated for it. 4. I'm sure there's a 4.....so all these things have been taking a toll on what would typically be a pretty healthy line of communication. He has been quiet. He has been short with the children. He has been distant from me. Just very preoccupied. His phone has been ringing with work calls, emails, texts. His joy has been robbed time and time again. I've tried (most of the time) to just be understanding, keep my distance, keep the children at bay, pray for him...most of the time.

Ya know when you just get to that point where you've had enough and God just doesn't seem to be doing His part? Well, I can tell you from experience, that's when you need MORE THAN EVER to keep your mouth SHUT!!! I wish I could tell you that I learned by doing it the right way:( NOPE. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Breaking point came, I broke. In front of the children nonetheless! Caused a HUGE stink. And guess what? The thing that made me break, well, I was justified for feeling the way I did! I just needed to keep my mouth shut a few SECONDS longer and God would have stepped in and handled it HIS way. But, I didn't. So, I learned the hard way. I hope I learned anyway. I pray I learned and don't have to repeat this turmoil again! And, ultimately, Jas and I talked things out (although it took longer than ever in 8 years of marriage) over the next few days. He was relieved to get some stuff off his chest, and so was I. We finally connected after a few months of being so distant and crabby! And to know that he had already ordered that necklace before we had our blowout means that much more to me!! He never stopped loving me with all his heart. He was just distracted. It really stinks that things had to get so uncomfortable, and ultimately really ugly to realize that we just needed to make time for US. To be boyfriend and girlfriend for awhile. To laugh with each other. Oh, I just love to see him smile at me!! It makes me feel like such a treasure to my man. I love to feel treasured. Don't you?

I pray for each of you who read this. I pray that you have much more strength in obedience to God than I do. I wish you'd take away from my story to keep your mouth shut. No, really! I know it sounds harsh, but it could really make all the difference! I waited MONTHS in obedience. Held my tongue. Did my best to be a servant of my husband without demanding anything in return. But, sadly I did not hold out long enough. I knew God would answer my prayers to bring my Jason out of his funk, but He didn't do it fast enough to suit me:( See what happens when you get impatient with God and start stompin' your feet like a little bratty kid? Ughh...let's try to finish strong next time, Talisha.

All week, we've watched the same 10 episodes of He-Man over and over. Ugh...so done. But the kids have been insistent. "Daddy, when can we sit in your lap and watch He-Man?" It occurred to me almost instantly, these little children of mine are programmed to cram everything into a few days on the weekend. They fight for their daddy time, fight for meaningful time spent with us. I think it will be several weeks before they realize that we'll no longer adhere to that routine. That we're free to love on each other at 10am for example. That we can spend more time together laughing at the E*Trade baby, more time fighting over who is going to pick up that giant fuzzy bug in the kitchen floor. These are the things that I can understand as an adult to be the best times of our lives. My kids don't get it right now. They miss their class-mates and still talk about school as if they're on an extended break. I knew it would be something we'd have to work through, and I'm just so thankful that because they're so little, they have had a positive experience with school. I'm also extremely thankful that even though they miss their friends, they're excited and happy to be at home with me!

On another topic, I have been a cleaning machine! It feels so good to be a keeper at home. I have been on such a crazy schedule for so long with everything and everybody else demanding all of my time, that this last week has been amazingly productive. Inside the walls of our home, I have changed a bathroom faucet, re-organized our pantry, cleaned our kitchen top to bottom, painted the room we're now going to use as our school room, written out our favorite 21 meals, Bug helped with this task:) and so many more small things that I've just had to set aside for so long! I'm loving the idea of making a kitchen binder to hold our favorite recipes, meal planning stuff...anything to do with the kitchen. OOOH! Another thing I did that I'm extremely proud of, I made a cleaning kit. The beautiful thing about this is that I used some pretty kid-friendly items so that the Bug and my Sweet Boy can help me out. They LOVE to help me wipe and dust and vacuum (but cry while cleaning their rooms?!). I got a TON of terrific ideas about keeping my home from Martha Stewart's Homekeeping Handbook. It's funny that I know what to do and how to clean, but love to read about how other people do things. I find it inspiring for some reason. Okay, that's enough I think to sum up this last week. Except, I have to say, my husband's birthday came and went and he now shares his birthday with the horrible Haiti earthquake:( My heart has been hurting for that place. I feel...well, probably the same as you all feel. Sick. Helpless. I feel like prayer, although necessary and powerful, just somehow isn't enough. And who am I to say that?? God is sovereign over all. He knew this day was coming long before we did. And I have to trust that whatever happens from here on out, things will work out according to His perfect will and plan. And I must also say, I just love Dr. Charles Stanley. I absolutely do NOT know what I would do without his ministry. I loooove www.intouch.org and use it daily for precious time spent with Jesus. I am encouraging you all to go there and explore if you haven't. I think it will be a blessing to you.


I need some feedback: I'm looking for computer software for the kids, learning games, etc...any ideas or specific things you use or have wanted to try??