I've Got This!

I searched the internet for some encouragement on my journey...as a seminary wife. I found some great articles about how I needed to just "suck it up." About how we made the decision together, we must be in agreement on every decision from here on out. I must ignore the fact that my needs will not be met for a time, my children will be up in my grill 24/7 without help from their father, I'll be broke and "fasting" many days. We'll be "under attack" from the enemy, my husband will be temporarily married to his books, not sleeping with me in our bed. Many times I'll want to rip his eyeballs from their sockets, but I'm just to keep calm and carry on. Support this man's call and give, give, give, give. Not only am I to give more than is humanly possible, I am to seduce the seminarian, and often! This is my role. This is our call. God help me! This hardly seems reasonable. And not fair AT ALL. Boo hoo:(( Woe is me!

And then something crazy happens, and I suppose this is why we've been called to this life less appealing...I'm okay with it. Seriously. It's really tough. But it's not about ME. It's about being obedient. It's about being in the very center of what God has planned for my life. For our family and all who will benefit from our "various trials." I believe with all my heart that my husband is going to do GREAT things for the glory of God. I can feel it and know that whatever we must endure in this time, this current season of life, it will all be worth it. There will be many discouraging moments and many times I'm sure when we'll ask ourselves-"what in the world are we doing?" Especially when we really and truly NEED money. Like right now. We are very much in a phase of testing, and I refuse to give Satan any sort of credit because EACH and every trial we face serves to make us that much stronger for His Kingdom. Every day is new. God is the controller of the universe, we are not. He has brought us here, He will take us even further. Not for our comfort, but for His divine purpose for the lives He means to touch through us.

So I suggest to myself, stop wallowing. Stop feeling justified for feeling "forgotten" by God. Start praying for those God will touch through the ministry the Lord is preparing for us. Lift up my husband in prayer that won't end. Pray fervently for all our needs to be met and let go of the worry that accompanies a completely dried-up checking account. God's hand is upon us and He has us in this place and He promised to never leave us. Furthermore, He has prepared something great for our family and I should be honored to be used by Him to achieve that purpose. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I confess this selfishness and lack of total and complete desire and obedience to serve Him with all that I have. I'm scared and inadequate. I miss my husband and wish at times that things were different. When I take my eyes off the Lord and put them back on me and my comfort, there is disaster on the horizon. I struggle with these things daily but ultimately seek to find the peace that I need for the journey because I KNOW and fully trust that it will ALL be ETERNALLY worth it.