I've Got This!

Ok, I really love blogging:) Up to 3 spots now. Check me out right around the corner.

I don't expect rose petals in my bubble bath, chocolate truffles, or even a nice sappy card. I never wish for jewelry, money, or anything of the sort. Valentine's Day is always "just another day" for my husband and I. Well, aside from the banquet we attend to support our church's youth group going to camp each year:) We pretty much have an understanding that we don't really acknowledge the holiday. And I can honestly say I'm o.k. with that! My husband jokes and says "everyday is Valentine's Day with him." But, it's not far from the truth. My man is a vocal one. Supportive, affectionate, complimentary...just all around a stand-up dream guy! God must really love me to give me Jason as my spouse.

But, this year he just blew me away! He came home from work Tuesday with a package and took the kids aside and gave them a little purple box and told them to tell me "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy! This is for you because you're the best mommy in the whole world!" So, about to cry, I opened the box and saw the most thoughtful gift I've EVER received. It's a heart-shaped locket necklace with charms inside. Charms that my honey picked out that just so greatly capture my heart! There are 3 kids inside, the 2 girls each with their birthstones, and my boy with his birthstone wearing a baseball cap. Then he chose a "J" initial to represent himself, a "walk with God" charm and an "I love coffee" charm. It is THE cutest and most precious gift. And a total surprise! MAJOR brownie points for Daddy:)) I just can't stop smiling at him and it has been 2 days since he gave it to me.

Can I just mention that this came at the PERFECT time for me? I have been ultra concerned about my man lately and our relationship! Not that we were on really rocky ground or ever have the potential of "not working things out" so to speak. We've just really gone through a difficult season of marriage lately. A few things have contributed to this: 1. He got a "promotion" at work and has had great new stress to go along with that. 2. We've just started to educate our children at home. 3. Finances are in the same wobbly boat even after that "promotion" so it makes it even more difficult to take on the extra stress and not be well-compensated for it. 4. I'm sure there's a 4.....so all these things have been taking a toll on what would typically be a pretty healthy line of communication. He has been quiet. He has been short with the children. He has been distant from me. Just very preoccupied. His phone has been ringing with work calls, emails, texts. His joy has been robbed time and time again. I've tried (most of the time) to just be understanding, keep my distance, keep the children at bay, pray for him...most of the time.

Ya know when you just get to that point where you've had enough and God just doesn't seem to be doing His part? Well, I can tell you from experience, that's when you need MORE THAN EVER to keep your mouth SHUT!!! I wish I could tell you that I learned by doing it the right way:( NOPE. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Breaking point came, I broke. In front of the children nonetheless! Caused a HUGE stink. And guess what? The thing that made me break, well, I was justified for feeling the way I did! I just needed to keep my mouth shut a few SECONDS longer and God would have stepped in and handled it HIS way. But, I didn't. So, I learned the hard way. I hope I learned anyway. I pray I learned and don't have to repeat this turmoil again! And, ultimately, Jas and I talked things out (although it took longer than ever in 8 years of marriage) over the next few days. He was relieved to get some stuff off his chest, and so was I. We finally connected after a few months of being so distant and crabby! And to know that he had already ordered that necklace before we had our blowout means that much more to me!! He never stopped loving me with all his heart. He was just distracted. It really stinks that things had to get so uncomfortable, and ultimately really ugly to realize that we just needed to make time for US. To be boyfriend and girlfriend for awhile. To laugh with each other. Oh, I just love to see him smile at me!! It makes me feel like such a treasure to my man. I love to feel treasured. Don't you?

I pray for each of you who read this. I pray that you have much more strength in obedience to God than I do. I wish you'd take away from my story to keep your mouth shut. No, really! I know it sounds harsh, but it could really make all the difference! I waited MONTHS in obedience. Held my tongue. Did my best to be a servant of my husband without demanding anything in return. But, sadly I did not hold out long enough. I knew God would answer my prayers to bring my Jason out of his funk, but He didn't do it fast enough to suit me:( See what happens when you get impatient with God and start stompin' your feet like a little bratty kid? Ughh...let's try to finish strong next time, Talisha.

Go check out my first post on our homeschooling blog, please! :)) I'm still trying to figure out all this blogging stuff, so be patient with me, please. I just knew that I wanted a place separate from my own personal 'journal entries' on this blog to share what kinds of things we're doing over here at "sprouting oaks homeschool." Thanks for following me and God Bless you!

    I'm sitting here at 12:30 a.m. chuckling to myself. All these great dreams and aspirations I had of becoming this SUPER-BLOGGER.....why do I get so silly? My motto lately has become some form or "I don't serve____, it serves me!" You fill in the blank with whatever it is that you don't want to serve, as in, become a servant of, or slave to. For example, going to the gym serves ME. I tend to have a touch of OCD with some things. So, if I have a list with check boxes and I can't check off every single box by actually accomplishing (to the "t") what needs to be checked off the list, I get fussy. I start doubting my abilities and commitment. I start getting very critical of myself. "Well, if So and So had this list to complete, SHE'D have no problem with whatever it is. So what's wrong with ME?" I HATE that I compare myself!! It's as if I have no ability to measure myself against my old self, recognizing and celebrating my true accomplishments. Or better yet, how about just NOT comparing and measuring? Rather, I compulsively look for an ideal. I search sub-consciously for who I need to model myself after and only after I've fallen short do I realize what I've done. Yet again.
    And so this explains my recent depression surrounding my lack of "commitment" to blogging. And guess what? God is so good. He is helping me with this struggle of comparison. I'm not quite sure how He's doing it, but I am beginning to feel a small bit of release:) The mere fact that I'm recognizing it at this moment tells me I'm changing. The fact that I can laugh and not cry about it is an accomplishment in itself! I'm soo SILLY! I am a happy, happy girl. I am blessed BEYOND measure and feel so completely surrounded by God's grace in my day-to-day life. Why does it matter to me that I "measure up?"
    Ya know what? Right now as I am typing this God is showing me "PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE." Whoa. Right this moment He is showing me that my ultimate under-lying motive is not to actually measure up, but to be BETTER THAN EVERYONE WHO IS WORTHY OF COMPARISON. Good gravy. I'm gonna have to chew on this awhile. Anyone have a grain (or barrel) of SALT? And maybe a few gallons of coffee to wash it down?