I've Got This!

Someone reached out to me last week. I was sitting alone at Main Street in our church-outside the kids' school. Watching for my husband, waiting patiently for him to get out of his class for the day. Sitting and stewing actually. Feeling divided and separated. Wondering what the heck I was doing there- didn't I have brains enough to get up and just go home and do my own thing while he was in class?? Surely I could have gone home, gone back to sleep for 2 hours, had a little quiet prayer time, cleaned up the kitchen, done some laundry....anything but SIT on my rear for 2 hours just to be close to my children and wait on my husband...when out of nowhere, some nice guy starts making smalltalk with me.


You see, I sit there in Main Street at least 3 days a week, reading my Bible, drinking coffee, every Tuesday watching hundreds of women walk in to a weekly Bible study. But I'm new here, and I'm not great at making friends. I get crazy insecure when I'm all on my own. I see these beautiful women-dressed up, all chatty with one another, how am I supposed to just throw myself into their conversations.."can I be your friend? can I go to Bible study with you?" Sheesh, so I just sit there wishing I had the nerve to walk in and be welcomed, albeit slowly, but it's a Bible study, surely someone would welcome me?!


So back to the nice guy-turns out he's a seminary student who was also waiting for his wife and he says to me- "you know, there's a women's Bible study going on down the hall right now. It's every Tuesday morning at 9, my wife is there now." OK, God! I've got it. I need to be in this study...so the nice guy, Josh, gives me his email address, his cell phone number, his wife's number...turns out they've found it very difficult to plug-in around here as well. They're organizing a Bible study at their home and have invited us. His wife, Mandi-called me Monday and asked if I'd meet up with her at the women's Bible study Tuesday morning...so I did. Anyway, my point is-God was at work. He knew the mess I was dealing with internally. He was right there with me. He heard my prayers. He answered them. 


He cares about every little thing that we face. He works on our behalf. I'm thankful for these new friends. I'm thankful for this AMAZING study that I'm now a part of. I even got to share a bit about some recent struggles I've had with un-confessed sin. Oooh. I don't think ANYONE likes to talk about that. It may just be the most difficult thing to face in your Christian walk. Especially because keeping it inside "avoids" a lot of heartache. Well, wrong. You cannot fully serve God and be in relationship with Him while your mind is divided. You'll ignore His prompting again and again to resolve the issue and do nothing to further your walk with Him. Remember that He loves you and will never leave you. He is WITH you in your time of trouble. You cannot disappoint HIM. He knows all...just be obedient! Pray and pray for the right way to confess your sin. Let the person you are telling know how difficult this is and how you know it won't be easy to hear, but that you know that you are being obedient to God and your whole purpose of revealing your sin is to be in true and complete obedience to God. And remember, God is with you!!


Ok, so that's that. 

If I could open up my chest and unlock my heart, I'm sure you'd see Fall spilling out of it. The crisp air, beautiful colors, leaves tumbling, children laughing, coffee spiked with pumpkin and spice...ahhh. Fall is just so cozy and calming for me. The difficult thing for me is not napping the day away! I'll sit and snuggle my coffee cup while reading my Bible, then skip around some blogs enjoying all the fun ideas and crafts. I live vicariously through the bakers and crafters at this time of year. Some of these bloggers are just extremely gifted! I'd honestly NEVER be able to come up with some of this stuff. The CUTEST cupcakes and cookies you're ever gonna see, the loveliest tablescapes, the most beautiful homes and decor...


So much to look at, it's hard to settle down and just look through and enjoy one at a time! I make sure to follow or subscribe to all of them so I can take the time later to go back and enjoy them. Someday, I hope to have more time to devote to my own blog. I'd like to run an etsy shop (what I'd sell, I don't know) or offer an abundance of ideas (? nutrition, oh wait, I already do that on my other blog) or something useful. Honestly, it's probably never gonna happen. I'm too much of a flake (and I hate that) to keep up with an intricate blog!! So this is probably all you're ever gonna get outta me. Just ramblings...I have had the hardest time focusing lately! It's horrible. Can hardly finish a thought...oops. SEE?? I was about to get lost again. Anyway, I love fall and that was the point I was trying to make.


I think the TV is eviilll. No, I'm serious. We sit and stare at it for hours and neglect our family activities. Never turning this thing off is driving a wedge between us. I HATE IT. I've talked to my husband about it. He agrees, but doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. It has been on allllllllllll day. I was bothered by my daughter when she needed help with her homework-why? I wasn't busy, I was just interested in what was on TV. My children shouldn't have to compete with the TV!!! Especially when they need help! God, forgive me:(( Help me!! You're never to busy to hear my needs, Lord. Sadly, I wasn't only watching TV, I was surfing the internet on my laptop! God, I seriously need to adjust the way I'm spending my time. Thanks for convicting me of this at this moment. I need to fix it. I know what to do, as You've already been telling me. Time for a serious step back from technology. A step in the right direction, closer to You and my family. Seriously! Why in the world don't I seek to stop this damaging behavior?? I've got to get this right and now. This is what I'd consider to be the "bread of idleness." And I'm stuffed beyond being uncomfortable. I'm choking on it. 


See what I mean about rambling??? Anyway, I hope to report to you in a few days or maybe even a week, that we've watched a lot less TV. Maybe I'll challenge myself to step back from Facebook for a full week. Sounds so silly, but it's the only connection I've had to people for the last 2 months:( Oh well, I need to seek only God in this time. Maybe, just maybe He wants to tell me something VERY important and I haven't been listening??? Thanks, Lord for making me aware. I'm listening now! What is it?

I don't expect rose petals in my bubble bath, chocolate truffles, or even a nice sappy card. I never wish for jewelry, money, or anything of the sort. Valentine's Day is always "just another day" for my husband and I. Well, aside from the banquet we attend to support our church's youth group going to camp each year:) We pretty much have an understanding that we don't really acknowledge the holiday. And I can honestly say I'm o.k. with that! My husband jokes and says "everyday is Valentine's Day with him." But, it's not far from the truth. My man is a vocal one. Supportive, affectionate, complimentary...just all around a stand-up dream guy! God must really love me to give me Jason as my spouse.

But, this year he just blew me away! He came home from work Tuesday with a package and took the kids aside and gave them a little purple box and told them to tell me "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy! This is for you because you're the best mommy in the whole world!" So, about to cry, I opened the box and saw the most thoughtful gift I've EVER received. It's a heart-shaped locket necklace with charms inside. Charms that my honey picked out that just so greatly capture my heart! There are 3 kids inside, the 2 girls each with their birthstones, and my boy with his birthstone wearing a baseball cap. Then he chose a "J" initial to represent himself, a "walk with God" charm and an "I love coffee" charm. It is THE cutest and most precious gift. And a total surprise! MAJOR brownie points for Daddy:)) I just can't stop smiling at him and it has been 2 days since he gave it to me.

Can I just mention that this came at the PERFECT time for me? I have been ultra concerned about my man lately and our relationship! Not that we were on really rocky ground or ever have the potential of "not working things out" so to speak. We've just really gone through a difficult season of marriage lately. A few things have contributed to this: 1. He got a "promotion" at work and has had great new stress to go along with that. 2. We've just started to educate our children at home. 3. Finances are in the same wobbly boat even after that "promotion" so it makes it even more difficult to take on the extra stress and not be well-compensated for it. 4. I'm sure there's a 4.....so all these things have been taking a toll on what would typically be a pretty healthy line of communication. He has been quiet. He has been short with the children. He has been distant from me. Just very preoccupied. His phone has been ringing with work calls, emails, texts. His joy has been robbed time and time again. I've tried (most of the time) to just be understanding, keep my distance, keep the children at bay, pray for him...most of the time.

Ya know when you just get to that point where you've had enough and God just doesn't seem to be doing His part? Well, I can tell you from experience, that's when you need MORE THAN EVER to keep your mouth SHUT!!! I wish I could tell you that I learned by doing it the right way:( NOPE. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Breaking point came, I broke. In front of the children nonetheless! Caused a HUGE stink. And guess what? The thing that made me break, well, I was justified for feeling the way I did! I just needed to keep my mouth shut a few SECONDS longer and God would have stepped in and handled it HIS way. But, I didn't. So, I learned the hard way. I hope I learned anyway. I pray I learned and don't have to repeat this turmoil again! And, ultimately, Jas and I talked things out (although it took longer than ever in 8 years of marriage) over the next few days. He was relieved to get some stuff off his chest, and so was I. We finally connected after a few months of being so distant and crabby! And to know that he had already ordered that necklace before we had our blowout means that much more to me!! He never stopped loving me with all his heart. He was just distracted. It really stinks that things had to get so uncomfortable, and ultimately really ugly to realize that we just needed to make time for US. To be boyfriend and girlfriend for awhile. To laugh with each other. Oh, I just love to see him smile at me!! It makes me feel like such a treasure to my man. I love to feel treasured. Don't you?

I pray for each of you who read this. I pray that you have much more strength in obedience to God than I do. I wish you'd take away from my story to keep your mouth shut. No, really! I know it sounds harsh, but it could really make all the difference! I waited MONTHS in obedience. Held my tongue. Did my best to be a servant of my husband without demanding anything in return. But, sadly I did not hold out long enough. I knew God would answer my prayers to bring my Jason out of his funk, but He didn't do it fast enough to suit me:( See what happens when you get impatient with God and start stompin' your feet like a little bratty kid? Ughh...let's try to finish strong next time, Talisha.

I sooo just got myself in trouble starting this blog! I have seen many blogs, in fact, it was just about a week ago that I read my first blog on purpose. So, I guess it's safe to say I'm obsessed with blogging right now, and naturally, my next step into the blogging world would be this one. Wanna know how the sickness began? Read on.

My husband and I have been praying for a year about the decision whether or not to homeschool our 2 kids. We actually started out (half-heartedly) homeschooling our little girl, who I'll call Bug, in Kindergarten. It proved itself to be difficult, and at the time I was distracted by anti-depressant induced health issues, and was also faced with the reality of needing to go back to work to help out with finances. So, needless to say, I gave up. Quickly. In the meantime, I reluctantly dragged my baby into public school (the "best" of what this town has to offer-in our neighborhood, mind you). She was scared to death having never been away from her mother (no pre-school experience) and I HATED to leave her at a school all day. For I had never experienced this separation from my baby. It was a drastic change and a horrible feeling I won't soon forget. My sweet son, who was just 3 at the time, was safe with family while I went to work, so leaving him wasn't nearly as gut-wrenching.

So, Bug went to school. I went to work. My dear husband, went to work. My sweet son went to Grami's. Then I quit work, and started up a restaurant with my parents. NO SMALL TASK. Sweet Son started Pre-school at the local Charter school, while Bug attended 1st grade at the same school. Fortunately, during this time, the kids were chosen at random to attend the charter school together. They were now in a safe, loving environment that I felt better about leaving them in all day. So, the restaurant was busy growing, my family was busy growing, and I was just busy busy.
STOP THE INSANITY!!

And this brings us to where I am now...my daughter is in 2nd grade, my son a kindergartner. They are both doing very well at the local charter school. Excellent grades, wonderful teachers, superb principal and staff. And might I add, it takes years to get into this school. There's literally a waiting list that you sign them up for at BIRTH and hope they get in for Kindergarten or 1st grade. It's CRAZY! But it's an excellent school, so I understand why. Yet, I still feel the tug on my heart-strings (namely, the Holy Spirit) to bring my babies home with me. Did I mention I'm not working at the restaurant now? I feel comfortable, like I said, with the school and everthing about it. Except something is missing from my kids' daily lives. Enough Family. Ample Bible teaching. A 24/7 Christian worldview which they cannot have at their age without constant guidance! These are just a few things in number, but they are HUGE in my personhood. These three things are EVERYTHING in my life. The legacy I wish to leave these children is solely the knowledge that Jesus Christ is real and available to them and to everyone. I want my kids to know Jesus. I want my grandkids to know Jesus.

You get the point, so this is it. On January, 14, 2010, we will remove our 2 children from the charter school that we love, so that we may obey our God and pursue our rightful responsibility in training up our children in the way that they should go. It is with extremely great humility that I take on this task, knowing full well that I am NOT a teacher, that it's NOT all gonna be cupcakes and merry-go-rounds, and that we will have our struggles. Heck we may even fail, but I'll know in my gut that I obeyed God Almighty in this. So, therefore I'll leave any and all consequences of my obedience to Him.

So, to answer that first question...I was researching curriculum and stumbled upon some of the most amazing homeschooling/homemaking blogs. Some of them are chock-full of info, tips, and resources for all things related to the subject(s). From there, a new sickness was born, a research bug has bitten me. I'll share more of what I find over time through links on this blog. Yay me! I'm officially a blogger, and soon to be very happy mom with her children at home under foot and in training:)

On My Face