Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Turn That Frown...
6:34 PM | Posted by
Talisha |
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God is good. He works on behalf of those who love and seek after Him. He makes all things work together for good for those who love and seek Him. He never gives us more than we can handle. He promises to walk beside us in the valleys. He listens and works things out. He does. I know. I know because I love Him. I trust Him. There's a lot of NOT FUN stuff going on in my life right now, VALLEY stuff. But I trust Him. I love Him. I tell Him all day long, every day how much He means to me. How He has changed my life for the better. That He makes life worth living. For Him I will persevere. To Him I owe the best of everything I can give. He asks nothing of me other than my complete and sincere love and devotion to Him. That is all He wants, He does the rest.
My kids see this lived out in me. Please don't hear this as bragging...or a lack of humility. It's how we live. We mess up A LOT. I mess something up royally at least daily if not more. But my love for my Lord Jesus is evident in the way I live. My kids see it. They know that it's something they don't have to question. When things seem off or bad to them, they pick up on it very easily. Very quickly. Thursday night after the HORRID scene at basketball practice, they overheard Jason and I talking about what happened. They had seen me crying and heard me say that I trust God even though I was upset. I said that I knew He was just trying to show me something about how to treat people. How NOT to treat people. We prayed that night as a family and Jason prayed for me to just be comforted and reassured that God would provide friends for us (he feels the same way I do). We told the kids afterward, for the 4th time this week, that when we are in need, God wants us to tell Him all about it. When we need prayer for something, He prays for us too. He wants to talk to us about our problems and our joys so we should not only tell Him what we're feeling and thinking, but listen to Him for answers and guidance. Then we went to bed and woke up Friday and went about our day as usual...
So I'm sitting today watching Ryan's basketball game. Alone for about 20 minutes while Jas ran to the store for water (forgot to bring it for my very thirsty children). Instantly, as I sat RIGHT beside some of those moms from Thursday, I started feeling defensive. I was thinking to myself, "here we go again. We're gonna play the 'I don't see you' game." But I immediately caught myself and asked the Lord to quiet my spirit and be with me. Jas would be back ANY minute and I'd not feel the need to focus on anything other than Ryan's game. So, he got back and I was fine. Then almost as soon as he sat down, I looked up to see Ryan's teacher wave at me. She came to where we were (right next to all the other moms) and asked if she could sit with me...I know, right?? So I am automatically tearing up that God sent her, and I'm thinking she DOESN'T EVEN KNOW how much this means to me when SHE says..."Ryan requested prayer for you yesterday at school. He said that you were sad at basketball because the other moms were not being your friend and that you cried a lot about it."
My sweet son. Words cannot describe how very PROUD I am that he knew to go to God with his problems. You see, he was burdened for his mother. And I wish you could have seen his face when he saw Mrs. Reyes sitting there beside me. He was BEAMING. And he played really well, making sure she was watching his every move:) I don't know a lot of 6 year old boys who would be so in tune with others' needs. And YES, here I am bragging a little. But not on myself. On God. He has given me a very special little man to raise. I pray that I do my job well. And I must say, he has a WONDERFUL father to teach him how to be a good, Godly man. In fact, I heard him tell Ryan this afternoon, "son, that's what I was talking about, being a man...what you did for your Momma today is what a REAL man does. He takes care of his family. He protects what belongs to him. He prays for people who are hurting. You acted like a man and I'm really proud of you." How awesome is that?? I didn't even know he had been talking to him about what it means to be a man...I mean, he's 6! But I guess it's never too early. Did I mention how awesome my husband is? :)
So, today was amazing for us. So many good things happen in the middle of badness. I fear that if I were to lose my "Attitude of Gratitude" I'd miss a lot of the good and focus WAY too much on the bad. I don't want to do that. I want to leave a legacy of grace and love and goodness. A legacy of thankfulness and loving kindness. Gentle and long suffering. I want to grow my children up to be Peacemakers...and that takes some serious Spirit-led and filled patience and persistence. But ya know what? The Battle belongs to the Lord. He is capable. When I'm weak I'm strong. He teaches me SO much about His love for me through the sweet and simple love of my children.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
My kids see this lived out in me. Please don't hear this as bragging...or a lack of humility. It's how we live. We mess up A LOT. I mess something up royally at least daily if not more. But my love for my Lord Jesus is evident in the way I live. My kids see it. They know that it's something they don't have to question. When things seem off or bad to them, they pick up on it very easily. Very quickly. Thursday night after the HORRID scene at basketball practice, they overheard Jason and I talking about what happened. They had seen me crying and heard me say that I trust God even though I was upset. I said that I knew He was just trying to show me something about how to treat people. How NOT to treat people. We prayed that night as a family and Jason prayed for me to just be comforted and reassured that God would provide friends for us (he feels the same way I do). We told the kids afterward, for the 4th time this week, that when we are in need, God wants us to tell Him all about it. When we need prayer for something, He prays for us too. He wants to talk to us about our problems and our joys so we should not only tell Him what we're feeling and thinking, but listen to Him for answers and guidance. Then we went to bed and woke up Friday and went about our day as usual...
So I'm sitting today watching Ryan's basketball game. Alone for about 20 minutes while Jas ran to the store for water (forgot to bring it for my very thirsty children). Instantly, as I sat RIGHT beside some of those moms from Thursday, I started feeling defensive. I was thinking to myself, "here we go again. We're gonna play the 'I don't see you' game." But I immediately caught myself and asked the Lord to quiet my spirit and be with me. Jas would be back ANY minute and I'd not feel the need to focus on anything other than Ryan's game. So, he got back and I was fine. Then almost as soon as he sat down, I looked up to see Ryan's teacher wave at me. She came to where we were (right next to all the other moms) and asked if she could sit with me...I know, right?? So I am automatically tearing up that God sent her, and I'm thinking she DOESN'T EVEN KNOW how much this means to me when SHE says..."Ryan requested prayer for you yesterday at school. He said that you were sad at basketball because the other moms were not being your friend and that you cried a lot about it."
My sweet son. Words cannot describe how very PROUD I am that he knew to go to God with his problems. You see, he was burdened for his mother. And I wish you could have seen his face when he saw Mrs. Reyes sitting there beside me. He was BEAMING. And he played really well, making sure she was watching his every move:) I don't know a lot of 6 year old boys who would be so in tune with others' needs. And YES, here I am bragging a little. But not on myself. On God. He has given me a very special little man to raise. I pray that I do my job well. And I must say, he has a WONDERFUL father to teach him how to be a good, Godly man. In fact, I heard him tell Ryan this afternoon, "son, that's what I was talking about, being a man...what you did for your Momma today is what a REAL man does. He takes care of his family. He protects what belongs to him. He prays for people who are hurting. You acted like a man and I'm really proud of you." How awesome is that?? I didn't even know he had been talking to him about what it means to be a man...I mean, he's 6! But I guess it's never too early. Did I mention how awesome my husband is? :)
So, today was amazing for us. So many good things happen in the middle of badness. I fear that if I were to lose my "Attitude of Gratitude" I'd miss a lot of the good and focus WAY too much on the bad. I don't want to do that. I want to leave a legacy of grace and love and goodness. A legacy of thankfulness and loving kindness. Gentle and long suffering. I want to grow my children up to be Peacemakers...and that takes some serious Spirit-led and filled patience and persistence. But ya know what? The Battle belongs to the Lord. He is capable. When I'm weak I'm strong. He teaches me SO much about His love for me through the sweet and simple love of my children.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
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Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Captivated
8:48 AM | Posted by
Talisha |
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I love this weather! Although the beautiful colors of fall have faded to the ground and into large black bags and smoky ash, I'm still captivated by the unmatched, unrivaled, glorious beauty of Creation!
Over the course of my nice easy run this morning, I saw deer, squirrels, big black crows and lots of worms...and then the rain began to fall ever so gently on the trees. What a privilege to be surrounded by nature! My body was numb from the cold, yet my soul was radiantly warmed by God this morning. This change in scenery is something that cannot adequately be described, but I feel like each falling leaf that catches my eye, God Himself has arranged for my pleasure. For the purpose of reminding me that He holds it all together, and He calls the shots. To help me remember WHO gets the glory. To keep my focus on Him, not on myself. Thank you, Lord for your marvelous work.
Job 38, 39, 40 and 41 are a wonderful read to help us remember who controls this universe:) Ask yourself these questions. Can you do ANY of these things or answer any of these questions? I can't! And I'm so thankful that God loves me enough to make me a part of His plan. Not only that, but He gives me life more abundantly than I'd ever know apart from Him. And the best is yet to come when we see Him face to face and fall at His feet in total worship of His majesty.
Revelation 1:7 says- "Look! He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him..."
Amen! Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
Over the course of my nice easy run this morning, I saw deer, squirrels, big black crows and lots of worms...and then the rain began to fall ever so gently on the trees. What a privilege to be surrounded by nature! My body was numb from the cold, yet my soul was radiantly warmed by God this morning. This change in scenery is something that cannot adequately be described, but I feel like each falling leaf that catches my eye, God Himself has arranged for my pleasure. For the purpose of reminding me that He holds it all together, and He calls the shots. To help me remember WHO gets the glory. To keep my focus on Him, not on myself. Thank you, Lord for your marvelous work.
Job 38, 39, 40 and 41 are a wonderful read to help us remember who controls this universe:) Ask yourself these questions. Can you do ANY of these things or answer any of these questions? I can't! And I'm so thankful that God loves me enough to make me a part of His plan. Not only that, but He gives me life more abundantly than I'd ever know apart from Him. And the best is yet to come when we see Him face to face and fall at His feet in total worship of His majesty.
Revelation 1:7 says- "Look! He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him..."
Amen! Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
Friday, October 15, 2010
SOS
7:17 PM | Posted by
Talisha |
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This is serious...I'm needing help. Not my area of expertise. In fact, it's not even on my radar. And this would be okay, except now my husband is starting to hint around. He even came right out and said it this evening..."we need to do something crafty for Christmas this year." HA! Crafty? Me?? Why, I don't even own a glue gun! I have not a ribbon or pipe cleaner, a single stitch of fabric or spool of thread. Not a sewing needle in the house.
Now I realize that this may come as a shock to most of you crafty bloggers out there. How can you be a homemaker and not at least know how to sew on a button or have a glue gun in your possession? Even funnier is that my mom was VERY crafty. I can't even tell you how many times I burned myself on the hot glue gun as a child. It was everywhere, always plugged in and dripping all over. She knew how to make beautiful things without any money or tutorials...why didn't that rub off on me?
So now you understand why I'm a little nervous about this sudden and very specific request from my husband. I'll be keeping a close eye on Edie's 12 Days of {handmade} Christmas over at lifeingrace for some ideas. But what will I need for crafting? All I can think of is obviously a hot glue gun...I guess I should just go walk around Michael's and look at what's available. I'm really in over my head in this arena...Any suggestions would be helpful. I'm stuck on pipe cleaners and hot glue.
What else am I going to need for a successful crafting adventure with my family?
Now I realize that this may come as a shock to most of you crafty bloggers out there. How can you be a homemaker and not at least know how to sew on a button or have a glue gun in your possession? Even funnier is that my mom was VERY crafty. I can't even tell you how many times I burned myself on the hot glue gun as a child. It was everywhere, always plugged in and dripping all over. She knew how to make beautiful things without any money or tutorials...why didn't that rub off on me?
So now you understand why I'm a little nervous about this sudden and very specific request from my husband. I'll be keeping a close eye on Edie's 12 Days of {handmade} Christmas over at lifeingrace for some ideas. But what will I need for crafting? All I can think of is obviously a hot glue gun...I guess I should just go walk around Michael's and look at what's available. I'm really in over my head in this arena...Any suggestions would be helpful. I'm stuck on pipe cleaners and hot glue.
What else am I going to need for a successful crafting adventure with my family?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Holding Pattern
4:21 PM | Posted by
Talisha |
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Someone reached out to me last week. I was sitting alone at Main Street in our church-outside the kids' school. Watching for my husband, waiting patiently for him to get out of his class for the day. Sitting and stewing actually. Feeling divided and separated. Wondering what the heck I was doing there- didn't I have brains enough to get up and just go home and do my own thing while he was in class?? Surely I could have gone home, gone back to sleep for 2 hours, had a little quiet prayer time, cleaned up the kitchen, done some laundry....anything but SIT on my rear for 2 hours just to be close to my children and wait on my husband...when out of nowhere, some nice guy starts making smalltalk with me.
You see, I sit there in Main Street at least 3 days a week, reading my Bible, drinking coffee, every Tuesday watching hundreds of women walk in to a weekly Bible study. But I'm new here, and I'm not great at making friends. I get crazy insecure when I'm all on my own. I see these beautiful women-dressed up, all chatty with one another, how am I supposed to just throw myself into their conversations.."can I be your friend? can I go to Bible study with you?" Sheesh, so I just sit there wishing I had the nerve to walk in and be welcomed, albeit slowly, but it's a Bible study, surely someone would welcome me?!
So back to the nice guy-turns out he's a seminary student who was also waiting for his wife and he says to me- "you know, there's a women's Bible study going on down the hall right now. It's every Tuesday morning at 9, my wife is there now." OK, God! I've got it. I need to be in this study...so the nice guy, Josh, gives me his email address, his cell phone number, his wife's number...turns out they've found it very difficult to plug-in around here as well. They're organizing a Bible study at their home and have invited us. His wife, Mandi-called me Monday and asked if I'd meet up with her at the women's Bible study Tuesday morning...so I did. Anyway, my point is-God was at work. He knew the mess I was dealing with internally. He was right there with me. He heard my prayers. He answered them.
He cares about every little thing that we face. He works on our behalf. I'm thankful for these new friends. I'm thankful for this AMAZING study that I'm now a part of. I even got to share a bit about some recent struggles I've had with un-confessed sin. Oooh. I don't think ANYONE likes to talk about that. It may just be the most difficult thing to face in your Christian walk. Especially because keeping it inside "avoids" a lot of heartache. Well, wrong. You cannot fully serve God and be in relationship with Him while your mind is divided. You'll ignore His prompting again and again to resolve the issue and do nothing to further your walk with Him. Remember that He loves you and will never leave you. He is WITH you in your time of trouble. You cannot disappoint HIM. He knows all...just be obedient! Pray and pray for the right way to confess your sin. Let the person you are telling know how difficult this is and how you know it won't be easy to hear, but that you know that you are being obedient to God and your whole purpose of revealing your sin is to be in true and complete obedience to God. And remember, God is with you!!
Ok, so that's that.
You see, I sit there in Main Street at least 3 days a week, reading my Bible, drinking coffee, every Tuesday watching hundreds of women walk in to a weekly Bible study. But I'm new here, and I'm not great at making friends. I get crazy insecure when I'm all on my own. I see these beautiful women-dressed up, all chatty with one another, how am I supposed to just throw myself into their conversations.."can I be your friend? can I go to Bible study with you?" Sheesh, so I just sit there wishing I had the nerve to walk in and be welcomed, albeit slowly, but it's a Bible study, surely someone would welcome me?!
So back to the nice guy-turns out he's a seminary student who was also waiting for his wife and he says to me- "you know, there's a women's Bible study going on down the hall right now. It's every Tuesday morning at 9, my wife is there now." OK, God! I've got it. I need to be in this study...so the nice guy, Josh, gives me his email address, his cell phone number, his wife's number...turns out they've found it very difficult to plug-in around here as well. They're organizing a Bible study at their home and have invited us. His wife, Mandi-called me Monday and asked if I'd meet up with her at the women's Bible study Tuesday morning...so I did. Anyway, my point is-God was at work. He knew the mess I was dealing with internally. He was right there with me. He heard my prayers. He answered them.
He cares about every little thing that we face. He works on our behalf. I'm thankful for these new friends. I'm thankful for this AMAZING study that I'm now a part of. I even got to share a bit about some recent struggles I've had with un-confessed sin. Oooh. I don't think ANYONE likes to talk about that. It may just be the most difficult thing to face in your Christian walk. Especially because keeping it inside "avoids" a lot of heartache. Well, wrong. You cannot fully serve God and be in relationship with Him while your mind is divided. You'll ignore His prompting again and again to resolve the issue and do nothing to further your walk with Him. Remember that He loves you and will never leave you. He is WITH you in your time of trouble. You cannot disappoint HIM. He knows all...just be obedient! Pray and pray for the right way to confess your sin. Let the person you are telling know how difficult this is and how you know it won't be easy to hear, but that you know that you are being obedient to God and your whole purpose of revealing your sin is to be in true and complete obedience to God. And remember, God is with you!!
Ok, so that's that.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
10/10/10 is NON-GMO DAY!!!
10:23 PM | Posted by
Talisha |
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DON'T MISS THIS-Genetically Modified Organisms COULD BE KILLING US!
Institute for Responsible Technology -
Institute for Responsible Technology -
It's really important to get the word out~~keep your children and future generations safe! My feeling on the matter is that we now know enough about GM foods, so why are we eating MASSIVE quantities?? Basically, we don't know we're eating it. It gets put in a pretty package that says "healthy" and we just eat it because we inherently TRUST the manufacturers. We shouldn't trust them though--just look around you at all the disease! Please do some research and buy organic-non-GMO from now on. If it's in a package, it probably has some GM additives so look very carefully. There is a list of GM ingredients, hidden ingredients on the website I'm linking to. Check it out, be armed and fight for REAL FOOD. We have a right to know what we're eating! Let's push for NON-GMO labels!! Until then, be smart and make intelligent choices for yourself and especially your children.
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Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Fahhll...
5:18 PM | Posted by
Talisha |
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If I could open up my chest and unlock my heart, I'm sure you'd see Fall spilling out of it. The crisp air, beautiful colors, leaves tumbling, children laughing, coffee spiked with pumpkin and spice...ahhh. Fall is just so cozy and calming for me. The difficult thing for me is not napping the day away! I'll sit and snuggle my coffee cup while reading my Bible, then skip around some blogs enjoying all the fun ideas and crafts. I live vicariously through the bakers and crafters at this time of year. Some of these bloggers are just extremely gifted! I'd honestly NEVER be able to come up with some of this stuff. The CUTEST cupcakes and cookies you're ever gonna see, the loveliest tablescapes, the most beautiful homes and decor...
So much to look at, it's hard to settle down and just look through and enjoy one at a time! I make sure to follow or subscribe to all of them so I can take the time later to go back and enjoy them. Someday, I hope to have more time to devote to my own blog. I'd like to run an etsy shop (what I'd sell, I don't know) or offer an abundance of ideas (? nutrition, oh wait, I already do that on my other blog) or something useful. Honestly, it's probably never gonna happen. I'm too much of a flake (and I hate that) to keep up with an intricate blog!! So this is probably all you're ever gonna get outta me. Just ramblings...I have had the hardest time focusing lately! It's horrible. Can hardly finish a thought...oops. SEE?? I was about to get lost again. Anyway, I love fall and that was the point I was trying to make.
I think the TV is eviilll. No, I'm serious. We sit and stare at it for hours and neglect our family activities. Never turning this thing off is driving a wedge between us. I HATE IT. I've talked to my husband about it. He agrees, but doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. It has been on allllllllllll day. I was bothered by my daughter when she needed help with her homework-why? I wasn't busy, I was just interested in what was on TV. My children shouldn't have to compete with the TV!!! Especially when they need help! God, forgive me:(( Help me!! You're never to busy to hear my needs, Lord. Sadly, I wasn't only watching TV, I was surfing the internet on my laptop! God, I seriously need to adjust the way I'm spending my time. Thanks for convicting me of this at this moment. I need to fix it. I know what to do, as You've already been telling me. Time for a serious step back from technology. A step in the right direction, closer to You and my family. Seriously! Why in the world don't I seek to stop this damaging behavior?? I've got to get this right and now. This is what I'd consider to be the "bread of idleness." And I'm stuffed beyond being uncomfortable. I'm choking on it.
See what I mean about rambling??? Anyway, I hope to report to you in a few days or maybe even a week, that we've watched a lot less TV. Maybe I'll challenge myself to step back from Facebook for a full week. Sounds so silly, but it's the only connection I've had to people for the last 2 months:( Oh well, I need to seek only God in this time. Maybe, just maybe He wants to tell me something VERY important and I haven't been listening??? Thanks, Lord for making me aware. I'm listening now! What is it?
So much to look at, it's hard to settle down and just look through and enjoy one at a time! I make sure to follow or subscribe to all of them so I can take the time later to go back and enjoy them. Someday, I hope to have more time to devote to my own blog. I'd like to run an etsy shop (what I'd sell, I don't know) or offer an abundance of ideas (? nutrition, oh wait, I already do that on my other blog) or something useful. Honestly, it's probably never gonna happen. I'm too much of a flake (and I hate that) to keep up with an intricate blog!! So this is probably all you're ever gonna get outta me. Just ramblings...I have had the hardest time focusing lately! It's horrible. Can hardly finish a thought...oops. SEE?? I was about to get lost again. Anyway, I love fall and that was the point I was trying to make.
I think the TV is eviilll. No, I'm serious. We sit and stare at it for hours and neglect our family activities. Never turning this thing off is driving a wedge between us. I HATE IT. I've talked to my husband about it. He agrees, but doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. It has been on allllllllllll day. I was bothered by my daughter when she needed help with her homework-why? I wasn't busy, I was just interested in what was on TV. My children shouldn't have to compete with the TV!!! Especially when they need help! God, forgive me:(( Help me!! You're never to busy to hear my needs, Lord. Sadly, I wasn't only watching TV, I was surfing the internet on my laptop! God, I seriously need to adjust the way I'm spending my time. Thanks for convicting me of this at this moment. I need to fix it. I know what to do, as You've already been telling me. Time for a serious step back from technology. A step in the right direction, closer to You and my family. Seriously! Why in the world don't I seek to stop this damaging behavior?? I've got to get this right and now. This is what I'd consider to be the "bread of idleness." And I'm stuffed beyond being uncomfortable. I'm choking on it.
See what I mean about rambling??? Anyway, I hope to report to you in a few days or maybe even a week, that we've watched a lot less TV. Maybe I'll challenge myself to step back from Facebook for a full week. Sounds so silly, but it's the only connection I've had to people for the last 2 months:( Oh well, I need to seek only God in this time. Maybe, just maybe He wants to tell me something VERY important and I haven't been listening??? Thanks, Lord for making me aware. I'm listening now! What is it?
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Sunday, October 3, 2010
Just Looking for A LITTLE BIT
4:34 PM | Posted by
Talisha |
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May I Whine?
I searched the internet for some encouragement on my journey...as a seminary wife. I found some great articles about how I needed to just "suck it up." About how we made the decision together, we must be in agreement on every decision from here on out. I must ignore the fact that my needs will not be met for a time, my children will be up in my grill 24/7 without help from their father, I'll be broke and "fasting" many days. We'll be "under attack" from the enemy, my husband will be temporarily married to his books, not sleeping with me in our bed. Many times I'll want to rip his eyeballs from their sockets, but I'm just to keep calm and carry on. Support this man's call and give, give, give, give. Not only am I to give more than is humanly possible, I am to seduce the seminarian, and often! This is my role. This is our call. God help me! This hardly seems reasonable. And not fair AT ALL. Boo hoo:(( Woe is me!
And then something crazy happens, and I suppose this is why we've been called to this life less appealing...I'm okay with it. Seriously. It's really tough. But it's not about ME. It's about being obedient. It's about being in the very center of what God has planned for my life. For our family and all who will benefit from our "various trials." I believe with all my heart that my husband is going to do GREAT things for the glory of God. I can feel it and know that whatever we must endure in this time, this current season of life, it will all be worth it. There will be many discouraging moments and many times I'm sure when we'll ask ourselves-"what in the world are we doing?" Especially when we really and truly NEED money. Like right now. We are very much in a phase of testing, and I refuse to give Satan any sort of credit because EACH and every trial we face serves to make us that much stronger for His Kingdom. Every day is new. God is the controller of the universe, we are not. He has brought us here, He will take us even further. Not for our comfort, but for His divine purpose for the lives He means to touch through us.
So I suggest to myself, stop wallowing. Stop feeling justified for feeling "forgotten" by God. Start praying for those God will touch through the ministry the Lord is preparing for us. Lift up my husband in prayer that won't end. Pray fervently for all our needs to be met and let go of the worry that accompanies a completely dried-up checking account. God's hand is upon us and He has us in this place and He promised to never leave us. Furthermore, He has prepared something great for our family and I should be honored to be used by Him to achieve that purpose. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I confess this selfishness and lack of total and complete desire and obedience to serve Him with all that I have. I'm scared and inadequate. I miss my husband and wish at times that things were different. When I take my eyes off the Lord and put them back on me and my comfort, there is disaster on the horizon. I struggle with these things daily but ultimately seek to find the peace that I need for the journey because I KNOW and fully trust that it will ALL be ETERNALLY worth it.
I searched the internet for some encouragement on my journey...as a seminary wife. I found some great articles about how I needed to just "suck it up." About how we made the decision together, we must be in agreement on every decision from here on out. I must ignore the fact that my needs will not be met for a time, my children will be up in my grill 24/7 without help from their father, I'll be broke and "fasting" many days. We'll be "under attack" from the enemy, my husband will be temporarily married to his books, not sleeping with me in our bed. Many times I'll want to rip his eyeballs from their sockets, but I'm just to keep calm and carry on. Support this man's call and give, give, give, give. Not only am I to give more than is humanly possible, I am to seduce the seminarian, and often! This is my role. This is our call. God help me! This hardly seems reasonable. And not fair AT ALL. Boo hoo:(( Woe is me!
And then something crazy happens, and I suppose this is why we've been called to this life less appealing...I'm okay with it. Seriously. It's really tough. But it's not about ME. It's about being obedient. It's about being in the very center of what God has planned for my life. For our family and all who will benefit from our "various trials." I believe with all my heart that my husband is going to do GREAT things for the glory of God. I can feel it and know that whatever we must endure in this time, this current season of life, it will all be worth it. There will be many discouraging moments and many times I'm sure when we'll ask ourselves-"what in the world are we doing?" Especially when we really and truly NEED money. Like right now. We are very much in a phase of testing, and I refuse to give Satan any sort of credit because EACH and every trial we face serves to make us that much stronger for His Kingdom. Every day is new. God is the controller of the universe, we are not. He has brought us here, He will take us even further. Not for our comfort, but for His divine purpose for the lives He means to touch through us.
So I suggest to myself, stop wallowing. Stop feeling justified for feeling "forgotten" by God. Start praying for those God will touch through the ministry the Lord is preparing for us. Lift up my husband in prayer that won't end. Pray fervently for all our needs to be met and let go of the worry that accompanies a completely dried-up checking account. God's hand is upon us and He has us in this place and He promised to never leave us. Furthermore, He has prepared something great for our family and I should be honored to be used by Him to achieve that purpose. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I confess this selfishness and lack of total and complete desire and obedience to serve Him with all that I have. I'm scared and inadequate. I miss my husband and wish at times that things were different. When I take my eyes off the Lord and put them back on me and my comfort, there is disaster on the horizon. I struggle with these things daily but ultimately seek to find the peace that I need for the journey because I KNOW and fully trust that it will ALL be ETERNALLY worth it.
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