Saturday, January 22, 2011
Turn That Frown...
God is good. He works on behalf of those who love and seek after Him. He makes all things work together for good for those who love and seek Him. He never gives us more than we can handle. He promises to walk beside us in the valleys. He listens and works things out. He does. I know. I know because I love Him. I trust Him. There's a lot of NOT FUN stuff going on in my life right now, VALLEY stuff. But I trust Him. I love Him. I tell Him all day long, every day how much He means to me. How He has changed my life for the better. That He makes life worth living. For Him I will persevere. To Him I owe the best of everything I can give. He asks nothing of me other than my complete and sincere love and devotion to Him. That is all He wants, He does the rest.
My kids see this lived out in me. Please don't hear this as bragging...or a lack of humility. It's how we live. We mess up A LOT. I mess something up royally at least daily if not more. But my love for my Lord Jesus is evident in the way I live. My kids see it. They know that it's something they don't have to question. When things seem off or bad to them, they pick up on it very easily. Very quickly. Thursday night after the HORRID scene at basketball practice, they overheard Jason and I talking about what happened. They had seen me crying and heard me say that I trust God even though I was upset. I said that I knew He was just trying to show me something about how to treat people. How NOT to treat people. We prayed that night as a family and Jason prayed for me to just be comforted and reassured that God would provide friends for us (he feels the same way I do). We told the kids afterward, for the 4th time this week, that when we are in need, God wants us to tell Him all about it. When we need prayer for something, He prays for us too. He wants to talk to us about our problems and our joys so we should not only tell Him what we're feeling and thinking, but listen to Him for answers and guidance. Then we went to bed and woke up Friday and went about our day as usual...
So I'm sitting today watching Ryan's basketball game. Alone for about 20 minutes while Jas ran to the store for water (forgot to bring it for my very thirsty children). Instantly, as I sat RIGHT beside some of those moms from Thursday, I started feeling defensive. I was thinking to myself, "here we go again. We're gonna play the 'I don't see you' game." But I immediately caught myself and asked the Lord to quiet my spirit and be with me. Jas would be back ANY minute and I'd not feel the need to focus on anything other than Ryan's game. So, he got back and I was fine. Then almost as soon as he sat down, I looked up to see Ryan's teacher wave at me. She came to where we were (right next to all the other moms) and asked if she could sit with me...I know, right?? So I am automatically tearing up that God sent her, and I'm thinking she DOESN'T EVEN KNOW how much this means to me when SHE says..."Ryan requested prayer for you yesterday at school. He said that you were sad at basketball because the other moms were not being your friend and that you cried a lot about it."
My sweet son. Words cannot describe how very PROUD I am that he knew to go to God with his problems. You see, he was burdened for his mother. And I wish you could have seen his face when he saw Mrs. Reyes sitting there beside me. He was BEAMING. And he played really well, making sure she was watching his every move:) I don't know a lot of 6 year old boys who would be so in tune with others' needs. And YES, here I am bragging a little. But not on myself. On God. He has given me a very special little man to raise. I pray that I do my job well. And I must say, he has a WONDERFUL father to teach him how to be a good, Godly man. In fact, I heard him tell Ryan this afternoon, "son, that's what I was talking about, being a man...what you did for your Momma today is what a REAL man does. He takes care of his family. He protects what belongs to him. He prays for people who are hurting. You acted like a man and I'm really proud of you." How awesome is that?? I didn't even know he had been talking to him about what it means to be a man...I mean, he's 6! But I guess it's never too early. Did I mention how awesome my husband is? :)
So, today was amazing for us. So many good things happen in the middle of badness. I fear that if I were to lose my "Attitude of Gratitude" I'd miss a lot of the good and focus WAY too much on the bad. I don't want to do that. I want to leave a legacy of grace and love and goodness. A legacy of thankfulness and loving kindness. Gentle and long suffering. I want to grow my children up to be Peacemakers...and that takes some serious Spirit-led and filled patience and persistence. But ya know what? The Battle belongs to the Lord. He is capable. When I'm weak I'm strong. He teaches me SO much about His love for me through the sweet and simple love of my children.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
My kids see this lived out in me. Please don't hear this as bragging...or a lack of humility. It's how we live. We mess up A LOT. I mess something up royally at least daily if not more. But my love for my Lord Jesus is evident in the way I live. My kids see it. They know that it's something they don't have to question. When things seem off or bad to them, they pick up on it very easily. Very quickly. Thursday night after the HORRID scene at basketball practice, they overheard Jason and I talking about what happened. They had seen me crying and heard me say that I trust God even though I was upset. I said that I knew He was just trying to show me something about how to treat people. How NOT to treat people. We prayed that night as a family and Jason prayed for me to just be comforted and reassured that God would provide friends for us (he feels the same way I do). We told the kids afterward, for the 4th time this week, that when we are in need, God wants us to tell Him all about it. When we need prayer for something, He prays for us too. He wants to talk to us about our problems and our joys so we should not only tell Him what we're feeling and thinking, but listen to Him for answers and guidance. Then we went to bed and woke up Friday and went about our day as usual...
So I'm sitting today watching Ryan's basketball game. Alone for about 20 minutes while Jas ran to the store for water (forgot to bring it for my very thirsty children). Instantly, as I sat RIGHT beside some of those moms from Thursday, I started feeling defensive. I was thinking to myself, "here we go again. We're gonna play the 'I don't see you' game." But I immediately caught myself and asked the Lord to quiet my spirit and be with me. Jas would be back ANY minute and I'd not feel the need to focus on anything other than Ryan's game. So, he got back and I was fine. Then almost as soon as he sat down, I looked up to see Ryan's teacher wave at me. She came to where we were (right next to all the other moms) and asked if she could sit with me...I know, right?? So I am automatically tearing up that God sent her, and I'm thinking she DOESN'T EVEN KNOW how much this means to me when SHE says..."Ryan requested prayer for you yesterday at school. He said that you were sad at basketball because the other moms were not being your friend and that you cried a lot about it."
My sweet son. Words cannot describe how very PROUD I am that he knew to go to God with his problems. You see, he was burdened for his mother. And I wish you could have seen his face when he saw Mrs. Reyes sitting there beside me. He was BEAMING. And he played really well, making sure she was watching his every move:) I don't know a lot of 6 year old boys who would be so in tune with others' needs. And YES, here I am bragging a little. But not on myself. On God. He has given me a very special little man to raise. I pray that I do my job well. And I must say, he has a WONDERFUL father to teach him how to be a good, Godly man. In fact, I heard him tell Ryan this afternoon, "son, that's what I was talking about, being a man...what you did for your Momma today is what a REAL man does. He takes care of his family. He protects what belongs to him. He prays for people who are hurting. You acted like a man and I'm really proud of you." How awesome is that?? I didn't even know he had been talking to him about what it means to be a man...I mean, he's 6! But I guess it's never too early. Did I mention how awesome my husband is? :)
So, today was amazing for us. So many good things happen in the middle of badness. I fear that if I were to lose my "Attitude of Gratitude" I'd miss a lot of the good and focus WAY too much on the bad. I don't want to do that. I want to leave a legacy of grace and love and goodness. A legacy of thankfulness and loving kindness. Gentle and long suffering. I want to grow my children up to be Peacemakers...and that takes some serious Spirit-led and filled patience and persistence. But ya know what? The Battle belongs to the Lord. He is capable. When I'm weak I'm strong. He teaches me SO much about His love for me through the sweet and simple love of my children.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Don't Even Know
I don't even know how to express what I experienced today...I kinda felt like I was in Jr. High all over again. It has been nearly 6 months since we moved here. The only people who have reached out to me have been 2 or 3 people that I met at a church we've attended a few times. The church where my kids go to school...the place we spend most of our time outside of home. I attended a Bible study there and met a few very sweet ladies whom I've kept in contact with here and there since.
So tonight, as I sat watching my son's basketball practice, on the opposite side of all the other moms...(I was the first one to walk in and sit down, there was plenty of room where I sat for more people) I felt overwhelmingly ALONE. Normally, I don't notice that no one ever says "hello, how are you?" or "kiss my grits!" I typically sit with my husband, who is now in a late class on basketball nights. I wouldn't normally even CARE. But since I was alone and aware of all of the fellowship taking place opposite me...I REALLY cared. My daughter distracted me from time to time, wanting to shoot hoops in the open court or pass the ball back and forth. But I really couldn't get over the fact that I haven't made any progress in the friend department. I felt almost mad at those moms for not at least trying to speak to me. To find out who I am. Where I came from. Ask me something about my kids...I mean we're obviously ALL here for our children. Each new mom that came in with their kids found a familiar face and fell easily into the conversation of the group.
Of course they did. Of course they know each other. All of their kids go to the same Christian school. They've probably all known each other for years, kids play all their sports together. Why wouldn't they flock and gather? But I couldn't take it. As they laughed and hugged each other, my heart was torn out. I missed MY friends. My eyes started tearing up and I reached for my phone to text my husband and distract myself (and him from his studies). All in the same moment, I was telling myself to just STOP it. This was ridiculous. How could I be mad at people for something they WEREN'T doing on purpose? Why should I expect them to reach out to me? I'M the new one here. (At this point, the moms are staring at me because of the tears streaming down my face.) Maybe I should be more aggressive at making friends. I mean, I have tried several times to make small talk with some of those moms (whom I see every day while taking my children to the same Christian school) to no avail. But maybe I should just give it time. Maybe I look unfriendly. Perhaps they are just shy people? Maybe every morning that I've seen them since August 19th, they've been too tired or something to say "Hi, I'm So and So!" I have introduced myself to at least 50 people since we moved here in August. I've had no trouble going up to people and making small talk or trying to get to know people a little better, but for some reason I have YET to have anyone other than Josh, whom I mentioned in an earlier post, actually introduce themselves to ME.
I just don't get it. Maybe I'm being a total baby and need to just get over myself. Maybe I'm invisible. I don't know. All I know right now is that this doesn't feel very nice. I don't feel welcome. I feel alone when I'm out. I feel like people just aren't doing their part to reach out. I'm also learning that when I see someone alone, I should at LEAST acknowledge and affirm their presence. My face is not an unfamiliar one at the school or at basketball practice. It has been 6 weeks or more of three times a week contact with some of those moms. If I were them, I'm fairly sure that I would have AT LEAST introduced myself to the ONE LONELY mother who sits at her children's practices. No? Well, like I said, maybe I'm too focused on me...I don't know.
I know that I need someone to share my thoughts and feelings with. I know that I need another woman to help me navigate all of the things that are going on in my life right now. I know that I would LOVE to ask someone to pray for me. Woman to woman. To pray for me to have GRACE and strength to care for my handicapped Mother-in-law and PATIENCE for dealing with a recovering drug addict for a Father-in-law. To LIFT ME UP because I live with these people right now. To please pray for my family, my husband needs to find a job...we have no income and he's trying DESPERATELY to answer his calling to ministry and finish his Master's degree in Seminary. I want to share with someone how the Lord is GOOD to us even though we walk DAILY through struggles. I NEED someone to WANT to know that my kids are AWESOME and that my husband ROCKS....blehh...I'm exhausted.
Today is over and I've learned how NOT to treat people. Again. God, please open my eyes to the needs of those around me. PLEASE give me the sensitivity to recognize when someone is hurting or alone.
I know that I need someone to share my thoughts and feelings with. I know that I need another woman to help me navigate all of the things that are going on in my life right now. I know that I would LOVE to ask someone to pray for me. Woman to woman. To pray for me to have GRACE and strength to care for my handicapped Mother-in-law and PATIENCE for dealing with a recovering drug addict for a Father-in-law. To LIFT ME UP because I live with these people right now. To please pray for my family, my husband needs to find a job...we have no income and he's trying DESPERATELY to answer his calling to ministry and finish his Master's degree in Seminary. I want to share with someone how the Lord is GOOD to us even though we walk DAILY through struggles. I NEED someone to WANT to know that my kids are AWESOME and that my husband ROCKS....blehh...I'm exhausted.
Today is over and I've learned how NOT to treat people. Again. God, please open my eyes to the needs of those around me. PLEASE give me the sensitivity to recognize when someone is hurting or alone.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Captivated
I love this weather! Although the beautiful colors of fall have faded to the ground and into large black bags and smoky ash, I'm still captivated by the unmatched, unrivaled, glorious beauty of Creation!
Over the course of my nice easy run this morning, I saw deer, squirrels, big black crows and lots of worms...and then the rain began to fall ever so gently on the trees. What a privilege to be surrounded by nature! My body was numb from the cold, yet my soul was radiantly warmed by God this morning. This change in scenery is something that cannot adequately be described, but I feel like each falling leaf that catches my eye, God Himself has arranged for my pleasure. For the purpose of reminding me that He holds it all together, and He calls the shots. To help me remember WHO gets the glory. To keep my focus on Him, not on myself. Thank you, Lord for your marvelous work.
Job 38, 39, 40 and 41 are a wonderful read to help us remember who controls this universe:) Ask yourself these questions. Can you do ANY of these things or answer any of these questions? I can't! And I'm so thankful that God loves me enough to make me a part of His plan. Not only that, but He gives me life more abundantly than I'd ever know apart from Him. And the best is yet to come when we see Him face to face and fall at His feet in total worship of His majesty.
Revelation 1:7 says- "Look! He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him..."
Amen! Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
Over the course of my nice easy run this morning, I saw deer, squirrels, big black crows and lots of worms...and then the rain began to fall ever so gently on the trees. What a privilege to be surrounded by nature! My body was numb from the cold, yet my soul was radiantly warmed by God this morning. This change in scenery is something that cannot adequately be described, but I feel like each falling leaf that catches my eye, God Himself has arranged for my pleasure. For the purpose of reminding me that He holds it all together, and He calls the shots. To help me remember WHO gets the glory. To keep my focus on Him, not on myself. Thank you, Lord for your marvelous work.
Job 38, 39, 40 and 41 are a wonderful read to help us remember who controls this universe:) Ask yourself these questions. Can you do ANY of these things or answer any of these questions? I can't! And I'm so thankful that God loves me enough to make me a part of His plan. Not only that, but He gives me life more abundantly than I'd ever know apart from Him. And the best is yet to come when we see Him face to face and fall at His feet in total worship of His majesty.
Revelation 1:7 says- "Look! He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him..."
Amen! Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
Friday, October 15, 2010
SOS
This is serious...I'm needing help. Not my area of expertise. In fact, it's not even on my radar. And this would be okay, except now my husband is starting to hint around. He even came right out and said it this evening..."we need to do something crafty for Christmas this year." HA! Crafty? Me?? Why, I don't even own a glue gun! I have not a ribbon or pipe cleaner, a single stitch of fabric or spool of thread. Not a sewing needle in the house.
Now I realize that this may come as a shock to most of you crafty bloggers out there. How can you be a homemaker and not at least know how to sew on a button or have a glue gun in your possession? Even funnier is that my mom was VERY crafty. I can't even tell you how many times I burned myself on the hot glue gun as a child. It was everywhere, always plugged in and dripping all over. She knew how to make beautiful things without any money or tutorials...why didn't that rub off on me?
So now you understand why I'm a little nervous about this sudden and very specific request from my husband. I'll be keeping a close eye on Edie's 12 Days of {handmade} Christmas over at lifeingrace for some ideas. But what will I need for crafting? All I can think of is obviously a hot glue gun...I guess I should just go walk around Michael's and look at what's available. I'm really in over my head in this arena...Any suggestions would be helpful. I'm stuck on pipe cleaners and hot glue.
What else am I going to need for a successful crafting adventure with my family?
Now I realize that this may come as a shock to most of you crafty bloggers out there. How can you be a homemaker and not at least know how to sew on a button or have a glue gun in your possession? Even funnier is that my mom was VERY crafty. I can't even tell you how many times I burned myself on the hot glue gun as a child. It was everywhere, always plugged in and dripping all over. She knew how to make beautiful things without any money or tutorials...why didn't that rub off on me?
So now you understand why I'm a little nervous about this sudden and very specific request from my husband. I'll be keeping a close eye on Edie's 12 Days of {handmade} Christmas over at lifeingrace for some ideas. But what will I need for crafting? All I can think of is obviously a hot glue gun...I guess I should just go walk around Michael's and look at what's available. I'm really in over my head in this arena...Any suggestions would be helpful. I'm stuck on pipe cleaners and hot glue.
What else am I going to need for a successful crafting adventure with my family?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Holding Pattern
Someone reached out to me last week. I was sitting alone at Main Street in our church-outside the kids' school. Watching for my husband, waiting patiently for him to get out of his class for the day. Sitting and stewing actually. Feeling divided and separated. Wondering what the heck I was doing there- didn't I have brains enough to get up and just go home and do my own thing while he was in class?? Surely I could have gone home, gone back to sleep for 2 hours, had a little quiet prayer time, cleaned up the kitchen, done some laundry....anything but SIT on my rear for 2 hours just to be close to my children and wait on my husband...when out of nowhere, some nice guy starts making smalltalk with me.
You see, I sit there in Main Street at least 3 days a week, reading my Bible, drinking coffee, every Tuesday watching hundreds of women walk in to a weekly Bible study. But I'm new here, and I'm not great at making friends. I get crazy insecure when I'm all on my own. I see these beautiful women-dressed up, all chatty with one another, how am I supposed to just throw myself into their conversations.."can I be your friend? can I go to Bible study with you?" Sheesh, so I just sit there wishing I had the nerve to walk in and be welcomed, albeit slowly, but it's a Bible study, surely someone would welcome me?!
So back to the nice guy-turns out he's a seminary student who was also waiting for his wife and he says to me- "you know, there's a women's Bible study going on down the hall right now. It's every Tuesday morning at 9, my wife is there now." OK, God! I've got it. I need to be in this study...so the nice guy, Josh, gives me his email address, his cell phone number, his wife's number...turns out they've found it very difficult to plug-in around here as well. They're organizing a Bible study at their home and have invited us. His wife, Mandi-called me Monday and asked if I'd meet up with her at the women's Bible study Tuesday morning...so I did. Anyway, my point is-God was at work. He knew the mess I was dealing with internally. He was right there with me. He heard my prayers. He answered them.
He cares about every little thing that we face. He works on our behalf. I'm thankful for these new friends. I'm thankful for this AMAZING study that I'm now a part of. I even got to share a bit about some recent struggles I've had with un-confessed sin. Oooh. I don't think ANYONE likes to talk about that. It may just be the most difficult thing to face in your Christian walk. Especially because keeping it inside "avoids" a lot of heartache. Well, wrong. You cannot fully serve God and be in relationship with Him while your mind is divided. You'll ignore His prompting again and again to resolve the issue and do nothing to further your walk with Him. Remember that He loves you and will never leave you. He is WITH you in your time of trouble. You cannot disappoint HIM. He knows all...just be obedient! Pray and pray for the right way to confess your sin. Let the person you are telling know how difficult this is and how you know it won't be easy to hear, but that you know that you are being obedient to God and your whole purpose of revealing your sin is to be in true and complete obedience to God. And remember, God is with you!!
Ok, so that's that.
You see, I sit there in Main Street at least 3 days a week, reading my Bible, drinking coffee, every Tuesday watching hundreds of women walk in to a weekly Bible study. But I'm new here, and I'm not great at making friends. I get crazy insecure when I'm all on my own. I see these beautiful women-dressed up, all chatty with one another, how am I supposed to just throw myself into their conversations.."can I be your friend? can I go to Bible study with you?" Sheesh, so I just sit there wishing I had the nerve to walk in and be welcomed, albeit slowly, but it's a Bible study, surely someone would welcome me?!
So back to the nice guy-turns out he's a seminary student who was also waiting for his wife and he says to me- "you know, there's a women's Bible study going on down the hall right now. It's every Tuesday morning at 9, my wife is there now." OK, God! I've got it. I need to be in this study...so the nice guy, Josh, gives me his email address, his cell phone number, his wife's number...turns out they've found it very difficult to plug-in around here as well. They're organizing a Bible study at their home and have invited us. His wife, Mandi-called me Monday and asked if I'd meet up with her at the women's Bible study Tuesday morning...so I did. Anyway, my point is-God was at work. He knew the mess I was dealing with internally. He was right there with me. He heard my prayers. He answered them.
He cares about every little thing that we face. He works on our behalf. I'm thankful for these new friends. I'm thankful for this AMAZING study that I'm now a part of. I even got to share a bit about some recent struggles I've had with un-confessed sin. Oooh. I don't think ANYONE likes to talk about that. It may just be the most difficult thing to face in your Christian walk. Especially because keeping it inside "avoids" a lot of heartache. Well, wrong. You cannot fully serve God and be in relationship with Him while your mind is divided. You'll ignore His prompting again and again to resolve the issue and do nothing to further your walk with Him. Remember that He loves you and will never leave you. He is WITH you in your time of trouble. You cannot disappoint HIM. He knows all...just be obedient! Pray and pray for the right way to confess your sin. Let the person you are telling know how difficult this is and how you know it won't be easy to hear, but that you know that you are being obedient to God and your whole purpose of revealing your sin is to be in true and complete obedience to God. And remember, God is with you!!
Ok, so that's that.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
10/10/10 is NON-GMO DAY!!!
DON'T MISS THIS-Genetically Modified Organisms COULD BE KILLING US!
Institute for Responsible Technology -
Institute for Responsible Technology -
It's really important to get the word out~~keep your children and future generations safe! My feeling on the matter is that we now know enough about GM foods, so why are we eating MASSIVE quantities?? Basically, we don't know we're eating it. It gets put in a pretty package that says "healthy" and we just eat it because we inherently TRUST the manufacturers. We shouldn't trust them though--just look around you at all the disease! Please do some research and buy organic-non-GMO from now on. If it's in a package, it probably has some GM additives so look very carefully. There is a list of GM ingredients, hidden ingredients on the website I'm linking to. Check it out, be armed and fight for REAL FOOD. We have a right to know what we're eating! Let's push for NON-GMO labels!! Until then, be smart and make intelligent choices for yourself and especially your children.
Friday, October 8, 2010
SpLaTt!
So many times, I think we get caught up in our feelings. Feelings are good, don't get me wrong. We are made by God to be emotional creatures. But we are too often led around by our feelings. "This makes me feel better, so surely I should pursue it." Or maybe "this doesn't feel comfortable, so surely God doesn't want to me do this..."
I don't really have much more to say about it, other than I'm aware of the danger of reacting according to my feelings or emotions. Oh man! I'd really mess up if I didn't know this one simple truth...God is in control. I might not have control of my life ever again. That's okay. God's got it. He loves me more than I could ever know. I'll just keep a quiet spirit and ask Him to continually show me His promise to always work everything out for good. For His glory. Now, this will only work for me if I keep my focus on Him. And that means every moment of every day. Then I'll be on the right track:)
Thanks, Lord for your love and guidance. Especially now while I'm completely outside my comfort zone.
I don't really have much more to say about it, other than I'm aware of the danger of reacting according to my feelings or emotions. Oh man! I'd really mess up if I didn't know this one simple truth...God is in control. I might not have control of my life ever again. That's okay. God's got it. He loves me more than I could ever know. I'll just keep a quiet spirit and ask Him to continually show me His promise to always work everything out for good. For His glory. Now, this will only work for me if I keep my focus on Him. And that means every moment of every day. Then I'll be on the right track:)
Thanks, Lord for your love and guidance. Especially now while I'm completely outside my comfort zone.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Fahhll...
If I could open up my chest and unlock my heart, I'm sure you'd see Fall spilling out of it. The crisp air, beautiful colors, leaves tumbling, children laughing, coffee spiked with pumpkin and spice...ahhh. Fall is just so cozy and calming for me. The difficult thing for me is not napping the day away! I'll sit and snuggle my coffee cup while reading my Bible, then skip around some blogs enjoying all the fun ideas and crafts. I live vicariously through the bakers and crafters at this time of year. Some of these bloggers are just extremely gifted! I'd honestly NEVER be able to come up with some of this stuff. The CUTEST cupcakes and cookies you're ever gonna see, the loveliest tablescapes, the most beautiful homes and decor...
So much to look at, it's hard to settle down and just look through and enjoy one at a time! I make sure to follow or subscribe to all of them so I can take the time later to go back and enjoy them. Someday, I hope to have more time to devote to my own blog. I'd like to run an etsy shop (what I'd sell, I don't know) or offer an abundance of ideas (? nutrition, oh wait, I already do that on my other blog) or something useful. Honestly, it's probably never gonna happen. I'm too much of a flake (and I hate that) to keep up with an intricate blog!! So this is probably all you're ever gonna get outta me. Just ramblings...I have had the hardest time focusing lately! It's horrible. Can hardly finish a thought...oops. SEE?? I was about to get lost again. Anyway, I love fall and that was the point I was trying to make.
I think the TV is eviilll. No, I'm serious. We sit and stare at it for hours and neglect our family activities. Never turning this thing off is driving a wedge between us. I HATE IT. I've talked to my husband about it. He agrees, but doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. It has been on allllllllllll day. I was bothered by my daughter when she needed help with her homework-why? I wasn't busy, I was just interested in what was on TV. My children shouldn't have to compete with the TV!!! Especially when they need help! God, forgive me:(( Help me!! You're never to busy to hear my needs, Lord. Sadly, I wasn't only watching TV, I was surfing the internet on my laptop! God, I seriously need to adjust the way I'm spending my time. Thanks for convicting me of this at this moment. I need to fix it. I know what to do, as You've already been telling me. Time for a serious step back from technology. A step in the right direction, closer to You and my family. Seriously! Why in the world don't I seek to stop this damaging behavior?? I've got to get this right and now. This is what I'd consider to be the "bread of idleness." And I'm stuffed beyond being uncomfortable. I'm choking on it.
See what I mean about rambling??? Anyway, I hope to report to you in a few days or maybe even a week, that we've watched a lot less TV. Maybe I'll challenge myself to step back from Facebook for a full week. Sounds so silly, but it's the only connection I've had to people for the last 2 months:( Oh well, I need to seek only God in this time. Maybe, just maybe He wants to tell me something VERY important and I haven't been listening??? Thanks, Lord for making me aware. I'm listening now! What is it?
So much to look at, it's hard to settle down and just look through and enjoy one at a time! I make sure to follow or subscribe to all of them so I can take the time later to go back and enjoy them. Someday, I hope to have more time to devote to my own blog. I'd like to run an etsy shop (what I'd sell, I don't know) or offer an abundance of ideas (? nutrition, oh wait, I already do that on my other blog) or something useful. Honestly, it's probably never gonna happen. I'm too much of a flake (and I hate that) to keep up with an intricate blog!! So this is probably all you're ever gonna get outta me. Just ramblings...I have had the hardest time focusing lately! It's horrible. Can hardly finish a thought...oops. SEE?? I was about to get lost again. Anyway, I love fall and that was the point I was trying to make.
I think the TV is eviilll. No, I'm serious. We sit and stare at it for hours and neglect our family activities. Never turning this thing off is driving a wedge between us. I HATE IT. I've talked to my husband about it. He agrees, but doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. It has been on allllllllllll day. I was bothered by my daughter when she needed help with her homework-why? I wasn't busy, I was just interested in what was on TV. My children shouldn't have to compete with the TV!!! Especially when they need help! God, forgive me:(( Help me!! You're never to busy to hear my needs, Lord. Sadly, I wasn't only watching TV, I was surfing the internet on my laptop! God, I seriously need to adjust the way I'm spending my time. Thanks for convicting me of this at this moment. I need to fix it. I know what to do, as You've already been telling me. Time for a serious step back from technology. A step in the right direction, closer to You and my family. Seriously! Why in the world don't I seek to stop this damaging behavior?? I've got to get this right and now. This is what I'd consider to be the "bread of idleness." And I'm stuffed beyond being uncomfortable. I'm choking on it.
See what I mean about rambling??? Anyway, I hope to report to you in a few days or maybe even a week, that we've watched a lot less TV. Maybe I'll challenge myself to step back from Facebook for a full week. Sounds so silly, but it's the only connection I've had to people for the last 2 months:( Oh well, I need to seek only God in this time. Maybe, just maybe He wants to tell me something VERY important and I haven't been listening??? Thanks, Lord for making me aware. I'm listening now! What is it?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Just Looking for A LITTLE BIT
May I Whine?
I searched the internet for some encouragement on my journey...as a seminary wife. I found some great articles about how I needed to just "suck it up." About how we made the decision together, we must be in agreement on every decision from here on out. I must ignore the fact that my needs will not be met for a time, my children will be up in my grill 24/7 without help from their father, I'll be broke and "fasting" many days. We'll be "under attack" from the enemy, my husband will be temporarily married to his books, not sleeping with me in our bed. Many times I'll want to rip his eyeballs from their sockets, but I'm just to keep calm and carry on. Support this man's call and give, give, give, give. Not only am I to give more than is humanly possible, I am to seduce the seminarian, and often! This is my role. This is our call. God help me! This hardly seems reasonable. And not fair AT ALL. Boo hoo:(( Woe is me!
And then something crazy happens, and I suppose this is why we've been called to this life less appealing...I'm okay with it. Seriously. It's really tough. But it's not about ME. It's about being obedient. It's about being in the very center of what God has planned for my life. For our family and all who will benefit from our "various trials." I believe with all my heart that my husband is going to do GREAT things for the glory of God. I can feel it and know that whatever we must endure in this time, this current season of life, it will all be worth it. There will be many discouraging moments and many times I'm sure when we'll ask ourselves-"what in the world are we doing?" Especially when we really and truly NEED money. Like right now. We are very much in a phase of testing, and I refuse to give Satan any sort of credit because EACH and every trial we face serves to make us that much stronger for His Kingdom. Every day is new. God is the controller of the universe, we are not. He has brought us here, He will take us even further. Not for our comfort, but for His divine purpose for the lives He means to touch through us.
So I suggest to myself, stop wallowing. Stop feeling justified for feeling "forgotten" by God. Start praying for those God will touch through the ministry the Lord is preparing for us. Lift up my husband in prayer that won't end. Pray fervently for all our needs to be met and let go of the worry that accompanies a completely dried-up checking account. God's hand is upon us and He has us in this place and He promised to never leave us. Furthermore, He has prepared something great for our family and I should be honored to be used by Him to achieve that purpose. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I confess this selfishness and lack of total and complete desire and obedience to serve Him with all that I have. I'm scared and inadequate. I miss my husband and wish at times that things were different. When I take my eyes off the Lord and put them back on me and my comfort, there is disaster on the horizon. I struggle with these things daily but ultimately seek to find the peace that I need for the journey because I KNOW and fully trust that it will ALL be ETERNALLY worth it.
I searched the internet for some encouragement on my journey...as a seminary wife. I found some great articles about how I needed to just "suck it up." About how we made the decision together, we must be in agreement on every decision from here on out. I must ignore the fact that my needs will not be met for a time, my children will be up in my grill 24/7 without help from their father, I'll be broke and "fasting" many days. We'll be "under attack" from the enemy, my husband will be temporarily married to his books, not sleeping with me in our bed. Many times I'll want to rip his eyeballs from their sockets, but I'm just to keep calm and carry on. Support this man's call and give, give, give, give. Not only am I to give more than is humanly possible, I am to seduce the seminarian, and often! This is my role. This is our call. God help me! This hardly seems reasonable. And not fair AT ALL. Boo hoo:(( Woe is me!
And then something crazy happens, and I suppose this is why we've been called to this life less appealing...I'm okay with it. Seriously. It's really tough. But it's not about ME. It's about being obedient. It's about being in the very center of what God has planned for my life. For our family and all who will benefit from our "various trials." I believe with all my heart that my husband is going to do GREAT things for the glory of God. I can feel it and know that whatever we must endure in this time, this current season of life, it will all be worth it. There will be many discouraging moments and many times I'm sure when we'll ask ourselves-"what in the world are we doing?" Especially when we really and truly NEED money. Like right now. We are very much in a phase of testing, and I refuse to give Satan any sort of credit because EACH and every trial we face serves to make us that much stronger for His Kingdom. Every day is new. God is the controller of the universe, we are not. He has brought us here, He will take us even further. Not for our comfort, but for His divine purpose for the lives He means to touch through us.
So I suggest to myself, stop wallowing. Stop feeling justified for feeling "forgotten" by God. Start praying for those God will touch through the ministry the Lord is preparing for us. Lift up my husband in prayer that won't end. Pray fervently for all our needs to be met and let go of the worry that accompanies a completely dried-up checking account. God's hand is upon us and He has us in this place and He promised to never leave us. Furthermore, He has prepared something great for our family and I should be honored to be used by Him to achieve that purpose. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I confess this selfishness and lack of total and complete desire and obedience to serve Him with all that I have. I'm scared and inadequate. I miss my husband and wish at times that things were different. When I take my eyes off the Lord and put them back on me and my comfort, there is disaster on the horizon. I struggle with these things daily but ultimately seek to find the peace that I need for the journey because I KNOW and fully trust that it will ALL be ETERNALLY worth it.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
LOVE THIS
Rain, Rain, Rain
I love the rain! Do you?? Of course, I realize that I sound a little bit crazy-but moving from the very dry desert to the East Coast is a treat. There are changes in the weather patterns, seasons, humidity, cool air, rain. I'm just really soaking it all in. I'd never experienced 3 straight days of rain before these last 3. Sure, it's uncomfortable to get out in it. Yes, my floors are streaked, my eyes are droopy from the lack of sunshine and the kids are a little stir-crazy. But what an experience! It's so peaceful to sit and sip coffee and glance out the window periodically and see the richness of the green trees, the shiny puddles on the blacktop. And the sound of water trickling off the house...so peaceful.
I need peace right now in my life, and the Lord provides it in so many different ways. I particularly love this chosen method of relaxation :) In days past, I would have been baking up some cookies for the children to come home to or folding laundry for hours at a time, rushing to clean the toilets, tidy up the living room or prepare dinner before Daddy got home. These days, these resting, peaceful days- I get up earlier, get things done, and they're done. No waiting until the last minute to clean up and prepare. No stress. Time for me and my husband. Time for me and Jesus to just sit and be together. To rest in Him. He provides it all. He makes it so easy, I just have to follow. And it seems like there's just not as much to be done. Same 4 people living together, same stuff, same everything...just more dependence on God. More time to just be and enjoy life! I kinda lost my train of thought, so just enjoy the above picture and forgive me:P
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
These leaves are falling in my soon-to-be backyard:) This makes my heart leap for joy!! Now, these colors were made even more eye-popping by using Picasa. If you don't have it- go get it! I downloaded a free version online. I have only played with it twice, but it seems to be a pretty fun and useful tool. Of course you can always buy the full version and do even more amazing tricks! I pray you are enjoying the start of the fall season wherever you are today, God Bless!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Woot Woot!!
HA! It's official!
We will be moving from our hometown of Kingman, AZ-to what my children will call their hometown-Lynchburg, VA! Things are set for hubby to attend Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary this fall. Everything is a go!!
God, you're so faithful and so amazingly, awesomely over-abundant! You've shown us your love and your sheer power to move mountains! We have prayed and prayed for your will, and you have shown us that our hearts are in line with yours! I have grown to expect your best for me. I know you plan to use me in a real and mighty way. Thank you for what you're doing in our lives, Lord Jesus.
So, anyway-a few of the things I'm looking forward to are:
1. The Community Market
2. Apartment living
3. Meeting new people
4. Beautiful scenery
5. Discovering new interests
6. Changing seasons
7. Flames and Hillcats games
8. Not knowing anyone at all (for a while anyway)
9.
10.
And the list will just go on and on...something I'm really looking forward to is the "not knowing anyone at all" part. There's something amazing about anonymity (I presume) that I can't quite put my finger on at this juncture. I'm surely going to appreciate it though. I just know it:) I am imagining a place where I can actually go to the store without seeing anyone that I MUST politely engage in at least a little friendly chit-chat. The obligatory nod or smile...you know what I'm saying. It's not that I'm unfriendly or want to be a 'loner' or anything. I think I'm just in need of a break...ya know? Some people can afford to get out of town for a few days, or go out of the country for a little RESET on life and dealings therein.
I just need to get away for a refreshing outlook. I need to be in a place where I WANT to make small talk with people. Smile and befriend people. Care about and LOVE people. I'm not making excuses for myself, but this town we're in isn't exactly...well, I'm not gonna go there. God knows what I need and I am humbled to know He loves me so much that He's making it possible for me to have this much needed change in my current status. Ahh, it feels so good!
And so, I wish I had more time to share some details about the place we'll be moving to, but I don't have any. Time that is. I've gotta get up and start packing..
We will be moving from our hometown of Kingman, AZ-to what my children will call their hometown-Lynchburg, VA! Things are set for hubby to attend Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary this fall. Everything is a go!!
God, you're so faithful and so amazingly, awesomely over-abundant! You've shown us your love and your sheer power to move mountains! We have prayed and prayed for your will, and you have shown us that our hearts are in line with yours! I have grown to expect your best for me. I know you plan to use me in a real and mighty way. Thank you for what you're doing in our lives, Lord Jesus.
So, anyway-a few of the things I'm looking forward to are:
1. The Community Market
2. Apartment living
3. Meeting new people
4. Beautiful scenery
5. Discovering new interests
6. Changing seasons
7. Flames and Hillcats games
8. Not knowing anyone at all (for a while anyway)
9.
10.
And the list will just go on and on...something I'm really looking forward to is the "not knowing anyone at all" part. There's something amazing about anonymity (I presume) that I can't quite put my finger on at this juncture. I'm surely going to appreciate it though. I just know it:) I am imagining a place where I can actually go to the store without seeing anyone that I MUST politely engage in at least a little friendly chit-chat. The obligatory nod or smile...you know what I'm saying. It's not that I'm unfriendly or want to be a 'loner' or anything. I think I'm just in need of a break...ya know? Some people can afford to get out of town for a few days, or go out of the country for a little RESET on life and dealings therein.
I just need to get away for a refreshing outlook. I need to be in a place where I WANT to make small talk with people. Smile and befriend people. Care about and LOVE people. I'm not making excuses for myself, but this town we're in isn't exactly...well, I'm not gonna go there. God knows what I need and I am humbled to know He loves me so much that He's making it possible for me to have this much needed change in my current status. Ahh, it feels so good!
And so, I wish I had more time to share some details about the place we'll be moving to, but I don't have any. Time that is. I've gotta get up and start packing..
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Spend Some Time Here
Sometimes we just need to be reminded of God's promises and how we can claim them for ourselves today. I'm about to dig into His Word for some guidance through this season of life. Would you join me?
Click on the link above to find out where I'm getting my study material:) While you're there, feel free to check out the entire website. There are TONS of great lessons, videos, radio broadcasts, etc. Good food for your soul!
Click on the link above to find out where I'm getting my study material:) While you're there, feel free to check out the entire website. There are TONS of great lessons, videos, radio broadcasts, etc. Good food for your soul!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Don't FREAK OUT
Disclaimer: Things are moving, for sure, but there's nothing actually in motion at this time. So, just in case you are our family reading my last post...don't freak out!! When the time is nearer and clearer, we'll definitely sit you down and let you know:) PROMISE.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
This is IT
It's definitely time. Too many doors have been opened. Some doors have even been completely shut. Other doors are still kinda halfway propped open with a door stop, leading me to the understanding that HIS timing is perfect.
I wanna take out those door stops and just slam those last few doors shut! Get with the program. Although I don't want to force my will in the situation, I'm finding it difficult to find a happy medium! I can see the promises on the horizon, and after 5 long years of praying, waiting and growing, it's imperative that I just wait a little bit longer. Be a lot more patient. Hang on to the promises so that I can truly experience what God has in store for me.
So, what's the big deal? Well, I'm obsessive-compulsive. I can't focus on anything else right now. I feel the need to not just plan as God leads, but to PACK THE TRUCK NOW. Anybody get what I'm saying? I'm the mom, the wife. I'm the cleaner, planner, organizer, and ultimately, packer. So now you know what I'm eluding to- MoViNg!
Not just a little move this time, either. A God-planned move. With God-sized promises built right in. Jeremiah 29:11 means something to me personally now. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." What a promise! And, He promises to be right here with me all the while. How great is He? I just love Him so.
And I'm extremely thankful that I do not control the Universe! I can't see everything He's working out behind the scenes. I haven't received all of the details yet. But I can tell you, for 5 long years, I've been able to vividly imagine the place He has called us to. I've seen us not just living there, but carrying out day-to-day activities in this specific place. I've imagined that we'd be there for the long-haul. I've seen myself in real-life service to our Lord. In that place. I've sensed something BIG coming about. I've heard my children's laughter echo throughout my mind and longed to be there to give them more.
I've been largely incapable of settling where we are. And I know I'm unsettled for a reason. Lots of great reasons to go. There's so much more that we want to do with our lives. For our children. For God. But there are also many reasons why it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster. We're leaving behind all of our family. All of our friends. All of anything that is familiar to us.
And that brings me to something else specific that I'm so grateful for at this season of my life. Friendship. God built friends into my life. The best ones. The kind you don't have to call everyday to maintain. True friendships. He knew how much I'd need them right now. Custom-made them for me. He loves me so much! He must to give me these wonderful godly women to share this change with. It goes without saying how much I'll miss them. I'm glad they understand with all their hearts what it means to be obedient to God in all things. I'm blessed by their counsel, their laughter, their listening ears and most of all, the shared tears yet to come. I'm excited and strong until I think of them not being there when all is unpacked in the newness of God's planned place. And then I realize God is BIG. His plans are greater than my own. He knows what He has in store for me. I trust Him. For He is God.
And, hey, while Facebook is way more impersonal than face to face-it's something! And it's quicker and easier than writing a letter and mailing it like friends had to do back in the day! And we've got phones! Don't forget about phones!! Ugh...this is really going to be tough.
Lord, thank you for loving me the way you do! Thanks for your promises and your provision. Thank you for friendships that last. Calm my spirit to be fully open to trust you and rest while I await your guidance from this moment forward. Prepare the hearts and minds of those we love and cherish. Bless them for their love and devotion to our family over these many years. May we bring you glory and honor through this time. In Jesus name, Amen.
I wanna take out those door stops and just slam those last few doors shut! Get with the program. Although I don't want to force my will in the situation, I'm finding it difficult to find a happy medium! I can see the promises on the horizon, and after 5 long years of praying, waiting and growing, it's imperative that I just wait a little bit longer. Be a lot more patient. Hang on to the promises so that I can truly experience what God has in store for me.
So, what's the big deal? Well, I'm obsessive-compulsive. I can't focus on anything else right now. I feel the need to not just plan as God leads, but to PACK THE TRUCK NOW. Anybody get what I'm saying? I'm the mom, the wife. I'm the cleaner, planner, organizer, and ultimately, packer. So now you know what I'm eluding to- MoViNg!
Not just a little move this time, either. A God-planned move. With God-sized promises built right in. Jeremiah 29:11 means something to me personally now. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." What a promise! And, He promises to be right here with me all the while. How great is He? I just love Him so.
And I'm extremely thankful that I do not control the Universe! I can't see everything He's working out behind the scenes. I haven't received all of the details yet. But I can tell you, for 5 long years, I've been able to vividly imagine the place He has called us to. I've seen us not just living there, but carrying out day-to-day activities in this specific place. I've imagined that we'd be there for the long-haul. I've seen myself in real-life service to our Lord. In that place. I've sensed something BIG coming about. I've heard my children's laughter echo throughout my mind and longed to be there to give them more.
I've been largely incapable of settling where we are. And I know I'm unsettled for a reason. Lots of great reasons to go. There's so much more that we want to do with our lives. For our children. For God. But there are also many reasons why it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster. We're leaving behind all of our family. All of our friends. All of anything that is familiar to us.
And that brings me to something else specific that I'm so grateful for at this season of my life. Friendship. God built friends into my life. The best ones. The kind you don't have to call everyday to maintain. True friendships. He knew how much I'd need them right now. Custom-made them for me. He loves me so much! He must to give me these wonderful godly women to share this change with. It goes without saying how much I'll miss them. I'm glad they understand with all their hearts what it means to be obedient to God in all things. I'm blessed by their counsel, their laughter, their listening ears and most of all, the shared tears yet to come. I'm excited and strong until I think of them not being there when all is unpacked in the newness of God's planned place. And then I realize God is BIG. His plans are greater than my own. He knows what He has in store for me. I trust Him. For He is God.
And, hey, while Facebook is way more impersonal than face to face-it's something! And it's quicker and easier than writing a letter and mailing it like friends had to do back in the day! And we've got phones! Don't forget about phones!! Ugh...this is really going to be tough.
Lord, thank you for loving me the way you do! Thanks for your promises and your provision. Thank you for friendships that last. Calm my spirit to be fully open to trust you and rest while I await your guidance from this moment forward. Prepare the hearts and minds of those we love and cherish. Bless them for their love and devotion to our family over these many years. May we bring you glory and honor through this time. In Jesus name, Amen.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
You Should TOTALLY Do This
I've recently been doing a lot of writing on a chalkboard surface...and thinking...and that's where the trouble begins. So, I checked out Edie's post over at lifeingrace. Ahhh-mazing! I now am obsessing about when and where I'd LOVE to have a chalk surface...for ME. Well, I guess the kids would enjoy it a little too. And maybe my husband would leave me a sweet little note here and there...Anyway, I thought you'd enjoy this GINorMOUs collection of chalkboard related stuff over at The Nesting Place.
Make sure you get some coffee and keep the kids occupied so you can browse through all of this stuff. Better yet, have the kids curl up with you and look at the ideas together:) Inspirational for the whole family! Good weekend projects or family projects that pay off for years to come.
Make sure you get some coffee and keep the kids occupied so you can browse through all of this stuff. Better yet, have the kids curl up with you and look at the ideas together:) Inspirational for the whole family! Good weekend projects or family projects that pay off for years to come.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Mama Cooks Real Food
Ok, I really love blogging:) Up to 3 spots now. Check me out right around the corner.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Bring it ON
I don't expect rose petals in my bubble bath, chocolate truffles, or even a nice sappy card. I never wish for jewelry, money, or anything of the sort. Valentine's Day is always "just another day" for my husband and I. Well, aside from the banquet we attend to support our church's youth group going to camp each year:) We pretty much have an understanding that we don't really acknowledge the holiday. And I can honestly say I'm o.k. with that! My husband jokes and says "everyday is Valentine's Day with him." But, it's not far from the truth. My man is a vocal one. Supportive, affectionate, complimentary...just all around a stand-up dream guy! God must really love me to give me Jason as my spouse.
But, this year he just blew me away! He came home from work Tuesday with a package and took the kids aside and gave them a little purple box and told them to tell me "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy! This is for you because you're the best mommy in the whole world!" So, about to cry, I opened the box and saw the most thoughtful gift I've EVER received. It's a heart-shaped locket necklace with charms inside. Charms that my honey picked out that just so greatly capture my heart! There are 3 kids inside, the 2 girls each with their birthstones, and my boy with his birthstone wearing a baseball cap. Then he chose a "J" initial to represent himself, a "walk with God" charm and an "I love coffee" charm. It is THE cutest and most precious gift. And a total surprise! MAJOR brownie points for Daddy:)) I just can't stop smiling at him and it has been 2 days since he gave it to me.
Can I just mention that this came at the PERFECT time for me? I have been ultra concerned about my man lately and our relationship! Not that we were on really rocky ground or ever have the potential of "not working things out" so to speak. We've just really gone through a difficult season of marriage lately. A few things have contributed to this: 1. He got a "promotion" at work and has had great new stress to go along with that. 2. We've just started to educate our children at home. 3. Finances are in the same wobbly boat even after that "promotion" so it makes it even more difficult to take on the extra stress and not be well-compensated for it. 4. I'm sure there's a 4.....so all these things have been taking a toll on what would typically be a pretty healthy line of communication. He has been quiet. He has been short with the children. He has been distant from me. Just very preoccupied. His phone has been ringing with work calls, emails, texts. His joy has been robbed time and time again. I've tried (most of the time) to just be understanding, keep my distance, keep the children at bay, pray for him...most of the time.
Ya know when you just get to that point where you've had enough and God just doesn't seem to be doing His part? Well, I can tell you from experience, that's when you need MORE THAN EVER to keep your mouth SHUT!!! I wish I could tell you that I learned by doing it the right way:( NOPE. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Breaking point came, I broke. In front of the children nonetheless! Caused a HUGE stink. And guess what? The thing that made me break, well, I was justified for feeling the way I did! I just needed to keep my mouth shut a few SECONDS longer and God would have stepped in and handled it HIS way. But, I didn't. So, I learned the hard way. I hope I learned anyway. I pray I learned and don't have to repeat this turmoil again! And, ultimately, Jas and I talked things out (although it took longer than ever in 8 years of marriage) over the next few days. He was relieved to get some stuff off his chest, and so was I. We finally connected after a few months of being so distant and crabby! And to know that he had already ordered that necklace before we had our blowout means that much more to me!! He never stopped loving me with all his heart. He was just distracted. It really stinks that things had to get so uncomfortable, and ultimately really ugly to realize that we just needed to make time for US. To be boyfriend and girlfriend for awhile. To laugh with each other. Oh, I just love to see him smile at me!! It makes me feel like such a treasure to my man. I love to feel treasured. Don't you?
I pray for each of you who read this. I pray that you have much more strength in obedience to God than I do. I wish you'd take away from my story to keep your mouth shut. No, really! I know it sounds harsh, but it could really make all the difference! I waited MONTHS in obedience. Held my tongue. Did my best to be a servant of my husband without demanding anything in return. But, sadly I did not hold out long enough. I knew God would answer my prayers to bring my Jason out of his funk, but He didn't do it fast enough to suit me:( See what happens when you get impatient with God and start stompin' your feet like a little bratty kid? Ughh...let's try to finish strong next time, Talisha.
But, this year he just blew me away! He came home from work Tuesday with a package and took the kids aside and gave them a little purple box and told them to tell me "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy! This is for you because you're the best mommy in the whole world!" So, about to cry, I opened the box and saw the most thoughtful gift I've EVER received. It's a heart-shaped locket necklace with charms inside. Charms that my honey picked out that just so greatly capture my heart! There are 3 kids inside, the 2 girls each with their birthstones, and my boy with his birthstone wearing a baseball cap. Then he chose a "J" initial to represent himself, a "walk with God" charm and an "I love coffee" charm. It is THE cutest and most precious gift. And a total surprise! MAJOR brownie points for Daddy:)) I just can't stop smiling at him and it has been 2 days since he gave it to me.
Can I just mention that this came at the PERFECT time for me? I have been ultra concerned about my man lately and our relationship! Not that we were on really rocky ground or ever have the potential of "not working things out" so to speak. We've just really gone through a difficult season of marriage lately. A few things have contributed to this: 1. He got a "promotion" at work and has had great new stress to go along with that. 2. We've just started to educate our children at home. 3. Finances are in the same wobbly boat even after that "promotion" so it makes it even more difficult to take on the extra stress and not be well-compensated for it. 4. I'm sure there's a 4.....so all these things have been taking a toll on what would typically be a pretty healthy line of communication. He has been quiet. He has been short with the children. He has been distant from me. Just very preoccupied. His phone has been ringing with work calls, emails, texts. His joy has been robbed time and time again. I've tried (most of the time) to just be understanding, keep my distance, keep the children at bay, pray for him...most of the time.
Ya know when you just get to that point where you've had enough and God just doesn't seem to be doing His part? Well, I can tell you from experience, that's when you need MORE THAN EVER to keep your mouth SHUT!!! I wish I could tell you that I learned by doing it the right way:( NOPE. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Breaking point came, I broke. In front of the children nonetheless! Caused a HUGE stink. And guess what? The thing that made me break, well, I was justified for feeling the way I did! I just needed to keep my mouth shut a few SECONDS longer and God would have stepped in and handled it HIS way. But, I didn't. So, I learned the hard way. I hope I learned anyway. I pray I learned and don't have to repeat this turmoil again! And, ultimately, Jas and I talked things out (although it took longer than ever in 8 years of marriage) over the next few days. He was relieved to get some stuff off his chest, and so was I. We finally connected after a few months of being so distant and crabby! And to know that he had already ordered that necklace before we had our blowout means that much more to me!! He never stopped loving me with all his heart. He was just distracted. It really stinks that things had to get so uncomfortable, and ultimately really ugly to realize that we just needed to make time for US. To be boyfriend and girlfriend for awhile. To laugh with each other. Oh, I just love to see him smile at me!! It makes me feel like such a treasure to my man. I love to feel treasured. Don't you?
I pray for each of you who read this. I pray that you have much more strength in obedience to God than I do. I wish you'd take away from my story to keep your mouth shut. No, really! I know it sounds harsh, but it could really make all the difference! I waited MONTHS in obedience. Held my tongue. Did my best to be a servant of my husband without demanding anything in return. But, sadly I did not hold out long enough. I knew God would answer my prayers to bring my Jason out of his funk, but He didn't do it fast enough to suit me:( See what happens when you get impatient with God and start stompin' your feet like a little bratty kid? Ughh...let's try to finish strong next time, Talisha.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
sprouting oaks
Go check out my first post on our homeschooling blog, please! :)) I'm still trying to figure out all this blogging stuff, so be patient with me, please. I just knew that I wanted a place separate from my own personal 'journal entries' on this blog to share what kinds of things we're doing over here at "sprouting oaks homeschool." Thanks for following me and God Bless you!
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